welcome to the forum, introduce yourself :)

Hi everyone, ildiko here! Just saying hi

The Audacious Life podcast posted an interview with you and off to the races. Might have listened to all your videos at this point. Eye opening! Eeek. Did not know much about narcissists until listening to you but yikes do I know them, lived with one or two all my life!

Hello, alittle about myself, at one time I was very secretive about myself, but I learned there is a time and place for it, and now it not the time.
I was born and raised in Germany, came to the US at age 17, joined the US Army while in high school, and served in the US Army for 8 years. I have a history of PTSD and retired because of it.
I am a believer of "GOD"
I am Co-dependent to a narcissist, and have stopped all contact 10 days ago.
I am trying to improve myself and move on. I ran across SpartanLife looking for help after doing some research.

Congratulations, FeWolf.

gigiminer wrote:Congratulations, FeWolf.  

Thank You

Hi! I'm Milly, pleased to meet you all!

I came across the Spartan Life Coach through youtubes recommendations. It showed me a video about Nacissistic Personality Disorder, and since I didn't know very much about it, I thought it would be an interesting video to watch. I soon became sort of addicted to Richards video's and eventually found my way here.

A little about myself:

I once started studying Applied Psychology, but due to personal problems I had to quit. I've always had trouble at home with my parents. I see some nasty narcissistic and borderline traits with my mother, and co-dependant traits with my dad. I myself definetely have strong borderline and passive-aggressive traits. I recognize a lot from the youtube video's.

Due to financial problems I had to move back in with my parents a while back, unfortunately. Currently preparing for schema-therapy, while trying to find a way to move out again, because in this family, no matter how much therapy I get, I'm not gonna get better.

In this forum, I hope to both seek and give advice, and also indulge my interest in psychology a little.

Welcome, Milly.

Welcome Milly. <3

I've just been out of my relationship with a narcissist for less than two months.

The idealization phase lasted about six months, then it was an exhausting roller coaster of good and bad and me learning to walk on eggshells and being exhausted from his emotional detaching and ups and downs and the general disaster that is his life. He was never violent. Just cold rage and twisted truths and him trying to gain power and control. The devaluation stage was blessedly only a month or so before he discarded me. He began treating me as if everything I did was stupid, he was mean and passive aggressive. I was no longer valid in any way. He just couldn't keep his mask on straight.

My reality has been very twisted and I'm suffering from PTSD and emotional flashbacks.

I saw behind his mask on various occasions. It was terrifying. He is very beloved in my community and no one would believe me, even if I was inclined to expose him. I am now afraid of someone that I had loved very, very much.

On the outside it looked perfect. Privately he was dismantling my mind and soul bit by bit. It was a relationship that lasted for less than two years and involved his children who I also loved with all of my heart. I thought we were going to be married, a family and I was going to watch them grow up. Now, I have disappeared. He disappeared me. I'm like a ghost. His sickness has affected so many lives.

Most days I'm ok for part of the day and then I have flashbacks. It's like having my consciousness torn in pieces. I'm watching a lot of Richard's videos and following advice from various sites I've found through YouTube and I'm in therapy.

I wanted to join this forum so I could have a safe place to share experiences with others who know what I'm talking about. No one I know has gone through this type of abuse and my friends and family have been supportive, but there is a disconnect.

So, I've never been on a forum of any kind but here I am. I'm sorry for everyone who has gone through this needless suffering.

Welcome, Mountain Time. Yes, we've been there and done that. I think you're lucky that it was not a longer relationship. Maybe you can take some comfort in that.

Keep taking care of you.

Hello, I'm Mar

55 years old, from Holland, mother of two and currently without a relationship.
more than once bitten and innumberably shy..
But nevertheless still dreaming.

Welcome, Mar.

Hello,  

People tend to call me Wen so it may as well be my name here too.  I probably should have started on here sooner.  I live in Tennessee, have a wonderful son who is about to start off to college, I'm a creative person and have had a successful career.  However the few serious intimate relationships I've had were complete explosions of crap.  Whenever I bring a new fellow around my friends immediately become concerned.

Right now I'm managing work and my son doesn't see me cry.  My job forces me to be social and I have a few good friends that get me out here and there but I've made my circle small.  Explaining it all sounds like a bad Lifetime movie so in short... I'm trying to heal physically from the abuse as well as the mental.  That really translates to I've been hiding in my cave a lot.  My home is my sanctuary but I'm tired of looking at the walls now.  It's time now for this to end.  I'm learning and honestly trying.

Welcome Wen!
Sounds like you've come to the right place.

Thank you. So far the videos and course has helped make progress. Maybe this will too.

Greetings from Calgary. After yet another disastrous encounter with a malignant sibling; and a consequent binge on my part, I discovered Mr Grannon and his YouTube "Ministry". He is a Quality of Life Saver. We would like to hear his thoughts on the clearly toxic correlation between Pornography and the whole NARC quagmire. Yours, Ronald Kershaw.

Welcome Ronald. It gets quiet here.

I'm new both to Google forums and to this particular forum. Spartan Life Coach videos pulled me out of a very dark place after being targeted by three covert narcs - all in the church - one is my stepfather who has pulled my mother to the dark side using her as supply and as his personal shield. He attacks me, attacks me, attacks me; I respond; she defends HIM. I was mystified and hurt until Grannon turned the lights on for me. The other two destroyed my reputation in the local churches. It's a long story I don't feel like telling right now, but I will say I had turned to the church for substitute family members. When the church turned on me, too, I was devastated. I realize this isn't as bad as being in a relationship with one as a spouse or boyfriend, and I truly don't know how people live through that. My situation nearly killed me. I wouldn't be here if I was braver. Anyway, I appreciate the support, the answers, the education, and true empathy.

Well hello there! Geez I'm very happy to have found you all. I was googling again in desperation when I found these videos on New Years Day. I watched your youtube for 10 hours straight on Jan 1 then slept then 6 more hours the next day. At times I would be infront of my screen with my jaw literally dropped open in amazement for actual minutes at a time, literally rendered motionless.
I'm not sure what background you might need/want. But what kept crossing my mind was:
I've been in talk therapy/group therapy/meds/ for 40 years I've been treated for most if not all the labels Richard speaks to but narc.
Here is my biggest malady I face today. I have to get my friends/family to tread very lightly around me in the areas of criticism or anything that will cause me to get even slightly frustrated in the least...and I mean its a snap deal. It's always been like this but the intensity waxes and wanes depending on external stressors. I have bannished the two family narcs in my life, a sister 5 years ago and mother about a year.
Here is the blacklist of my life:
Middle girl child, family of 3 girl sibs and 1 lil bro
Mother, had a horrible life...extreme daily violence
My early years, POW childhood, extreme physical violence daily from age 4-15 When I was able to run away I did on my 15th birthday. I've likely been in a flashback episode most days but high functioning owing my own business now 42 years There are so many traumatic events in my life I couldn't list them if you held a gun to my head...small attempt at humor. Hi y'all!

Hi all. I'm new to forums so patience is appreciated.

Hi guys.

Late to the show here. Been watching Richie's videos for a year or so but didnt know there was an associated forum.

I discovered Spartan life coach via another support forum I didnt particularly like because of its extreme victim mentality. So when a poster on it badmouthed Richard's and Sam Vaknin's videos I knew they were for me!

I'm 18 months no contact with my ex-girlfriend who was a covert narc and absolute poster girl for Cluster B disorders. Extreme No contact and the grey rock technique have been very successful tools for me to the point where she is of very little consequence to me or my life anymore.

Anyhoo, after a years therapy and much reading I am in the middle of working on my self and my people pleasing issues and Cptsd which I now realise are a result of my wonderfully abusive mother and spineless appeasing father. S/.

For me I found the secret to getting through the Narc aftermath was not to run from the negative feelings that would arise ( or medicate with alcohol).
I learnt to pin them down and examine them like a disected rat. "Why am I lonely and missing her right now?" = because of this trigger - So how do I replicate that or learn to avoid it? etc etc. It alleviates the pain but more importantly makes you realise its not about them but about you.

Finally, - Pete Walker's book "Surviving to Thriving" - a fantastic must read.

Hi Jake2 here. New to forum. Looking forward to reading responses.

Hello. I'm trying to come to terms with who I am at the age of 60. I made the big mistake of confusing a narcissist for being my soul mate and on top of that gave him unconditional love. I ended the relationship nearly four years ago, just as well really, but I found it completely bewildering that he could cut off completely and move on as if I'd meant nothing at all, which of course I know now I didn't. There are so many twists and turns in what occurred between us.
My concern though I don't consider myself as having CPTSD nor being abused in childhood. My relation with mum particularly from the teenage years was difficult and throughout my adult life we had our spats, being from completely different emotional planets, me emotive and mum looking upon showing of excessive emotion as being out of control. Mum died recently, I was caring for her in her last years after a diagnosis of dementia. My dad died when I was 16, I felt a lot closer to him and was devastated at his loss.
I saw my self as being an empath, I guess in a lot of respects I have been a people pleaser. At present I feel a little empty.

Hi Jax55,
I see the "feeling empty" as part of my process also. It seems to come and go. I'm grateful for Richard's work and this forum as it has helped to validate some of my experiences. Feelings are not right or wrong and although unpleasant I've found the emptiness is a temporary state and will pass. Hang in there.

Thank you Jake2. I wish you well too.