Home
Dear Richard,
Thank you for taking the time to review my question. Additional thanks for your work on SpartanLifeCoach! It has been helping me immensely during my most difficult days!
I am 30 years old female currently living in Sydney, Australia.
I recently purchased your book on how to stop emotional flashbacks and have been reading it daily. I am hoping that I will eventually internalise it completely and it will become part of my inner dialogue. In addition, I have been listening to some hypnosis at bedtime (free Joseph Clough app on Android).
Although I could really use coaching or professional therapy, I cannot afford it at this moment at all. I am relying on self-help.
In an effort to keep this post short, I won't get into my actual life story extensively.
From listening to your videos and reading your book, after careful self-observation and self-analysis I reached the conclusion that I am most likely Fight-Freeze person. Because they are not in harmony, this has created a split in my personality and when I am in either state I hate the other one (dissociative- weak, Fight- abusive, dogmatic). My father has the same response style, whereas my mother is more of an OCD flight person. My current romantic partner is also in flight mode.
Fight-Freeze is has made me self-destructive in many areas of my life and it is very difficult for me to maintain healthy relationships and attain professional success. I feel like I am stuck in a cycle. In part 1, I try to fight for myself to get traction in life, asserting myself, especially in situations where the people around me seem as uncaring and inconsiderate towards my needs. This is often an attempt to break through people-pleasing, as I put others needs in front of my own and often feel disappointed when people are inconsiderate towards mine. As a teenager, fighting was the only way to make myself heard, because my mum was stuck in left-brain dissociation and my dad in right-brain dissociation and this was the only way to get their attention to have my needs met. I grew up in the Mediterranean, so it is generally culturally acceptable for females to be more temperamental and raise your voice during a "normal" conversation. Body language is also generally more fluid and lively.
I now live in Anglo-Saxon Australia, surrounded by Russian friends and relatives. It is very unacceptable in these cultures to behave this way, as it is considered unladylike for a woman to be this assertive or temperamental. It has been hurting me socially and in the workplace. People tend to view me as domineering, controlling or bossy. I tend to use less feminine qualifiers and more directive language, especially if I am having a flashback. When I try to fawn, I come across as manipulative. I find it difficult getting rapport and gaining people's trust. CPSTD resulting from over 25 years of physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful environments made me constantly neurotic and hyper-vigilant. So I am constantly tense and on edge. Dumping my rage on other people is a relief, despite the fact that I immediately feel guilty for being abusive towards them. The aggression also has a sexual expression and often turns off men who are not aggressive or narcissistic.
In part 2, I collapse into right-brain dissociative state where I completely self-abandon. I neglect basic needs such as food, warmth, exercise, intimacy and hygiene. I become generally unresponsive. I check out of reality and feel completely helpless and handicap. I sometimes forget how to drive home because I am so overwhelmed with abandonment depression. I become delayed in response or verbally unresponsive to others. Simple mundane tasks such as laundry or dishes become insurmountable. This leads to severe procrastination and has resulted in many professional failures. I feel ashamed and embarrassed to disclose this invisible disability and request sick days etc so I tend to avoid dealing with it and retreat to abandoning ship.
My questions are - How do I heal from this?
How do I deal with my anger (which gives me drive to get over dissociation) without destroying my relationships?
How do I boost my productivity (to self-actualize and create happiness and fulfilment) without being neurotic and self-abandoning to compensate for lost time during dissociation?
How do I deal with fear of relationships (where I might hurt someone) and career success (where I may not be able to meet the expectation of productivity and stress management)?
Thank you for your time! I look forward to hearing your advice!
Thank you for taking the time to review my question. Additional thanks for your work on SpartanLifeCoach! It has been helping me immensely during my most difficult days!
I am 30 years old female currently living in Sydney, Australia.
I recently purchased your book on how to stop emotional flashbacks and have been reading it daily. I am hoping that I will eventually internalise it completely and it will become part of my inner dialogue. In addition, I have been listening to some hypnosis at bedtime (free Joseph Clough app on Android).
Although I could really use coaching or professional therapy, I cannot afford it at this moment at all. I am relying on self-help.
In an effort to keep this post short, I won't get into my actual life story extensively.
From listening to your videos and reading your book, after careful self-observation and self-analysis I reached the conclusion that I am most likely Fight-Freeze person. Because they are not in harmony, this has created a split in my personality and when I am in either state I hate the other one (dissociative- weak, Fight- abusive, dogmatic). My father has the same response style, whereas my mother is more of an OCD flight person. My current romantic partner is also in flight mode.
Fight-Freeze is has made me self-destructive in many areas of my life and it is very difficult for me to maintain healthy relationships and attain professional success. I feel like I am stuck in a cycle. In part 1, I try to fight for myself to get traction in life, asserting myself, especially in situations where the people around me seem as uncaring and inconsiderate towards my needs. This is often an attempt to break through people-pleasing, as I put others needs in front of my own and often feel disappointed when people are inconsiderate towards mine. As a teenager, fighting was the only way to make myself heard, because my mum was stuck in left-brain dissociation and my dad in right-brain dissociation and this was the only way to get their attention to have my needs met. I grew up in the Mediterranean, so it is generally culturally acceptable for females to be more temperamental and raise your voice during a "normal" conversation. Body language is also generally more fluid and lively.
I now live in Anglo-Saxon Australia, surrounded by Russian friends and relatives. It is very unacceptable in these cultures to behave this way, as it is considered unladylike for a woman to be this assertive or temperamental. It has been hurting me socially and in the workplace. People tend to view me as domineering, controlling or bossy. I tend to use less feminine qualifiers and more directive language, especially if I am having a flashback. When I try to fawn, I come across as manipulative. I find it difficult getting rapport and gaining people's trust. CPSTD resulting from over 25 years of physically and emotionally abusive and neglectful environments made me constantly neurotic and hyper-vigilant. So I am constantly tense and on edge. Dumping my rage on other people is a relief, despite the fact that I immediately feel guilty for being abusive towards them. The aggression also has a sexual expression and often turns off men who are not aggressive or narcissistic.
In part 2, I collapse into right-brain dissociative state where I completely self-abandon. I neglect basic needs such as food, warmth, exercise, intimacy and hygiene. I become generally unresponsive. I check out of reality and feel completely helpless and handicap. I sometimes forget how to drive home because I am so overwhelmed with abandonment depression. I become delayed in response or verbally unresponsive to others. Simple mundane tasks such as laundry or dishes become insurmountable. This leads to severe procrastination and has resulted in many professional failures. I feel ashamed and embarrassed to disclose this invisible disability and request sick days etc so I tend to avoid dealing with it and retreat to abandoning ship.
My questions are - How do I heal from this?
How do I deal with my anger (which gives me drive to get over dissociation) without destroying my relationships?
How do I boost my productivity (to self-actualize and create happiness and fulfilment) without being neurotic and self-abandoning to compensate for lost time during dissociation?
How do I deal with fear of relationships (where I might hurt someone) and career success (where I may not be able to meet the expectation of productivity and stress management)?
Thank you for your time! I look forward to hearing your advice!
