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I am aware of some of the implications here but I am entirely desperate for answers. In early December I began to realize my 26 year old son had been abusing me for a long time. He is soft spoken and has never called me a name. He is extremely sensitive, which may be why it took me a long time to see that his tone of voice and his constant soft denigrating of me and my decisions was abuse.
Then in 2015 we lost a friend to mental illness and suicide and after that my son began gaslighting me. He would often tell me he had already told me something or if I pointed something out he would say yeah, I already said something about that the other day.
For a few months when responding to me he would turn his face down and away from me and speak softly when answering. I would ask him to repeat himself and he would answer "Are you having trouble hearing?" His behavior continued and his comments became "You must be getting old, since you can't hear anymore". It was a wierd time that ended when I told him that my hearing was excellent and if he wanted to communicate with me it was his responsibility to ensure that I heard him otherwise I would be sure he was trying to not have me hear him and I would ignore him. And the behavior stopped completely.
I do not know if he is a covert N or not but I heard you say in the London Seminar that these guys become hardwired by 30 so thats terrifying. I am definately an empath and doormat I now realize, but I did not abuse him and there were consequences for behaviors as a child. I did raise him alone because his father bowed out when he heard the heartbeat inutero. Big covert N I now realize. But he has never even met my son.
I am aware I must work on myself and I am and I plan to continue. But I have not been able to find anything about our situation. And since I
started working on this issue I sent my son an email telling him I was working on my boundaries and asking for his support. He had an immediate overreaction via phone and email, telling me he knew I was up set and now I had upset hm and he didn't know why and calling me passive aggressive and asking me to call.
He is used to my responding to him immediately and I did not. The next day I sent an email saying I was not upset at all, I was good. I was not happy with our relationship and I was getting some help with that. I asked for his cooperation and support. That was December 19 and he has not replied although I emailed twice more simply asking for his support. I also sent an email on Christmas Day since we had spent every Christmas since his birth together, again no reply.
And I am dealing with my flashbacks surrounding abandonment. I have a lot of goopy history with my father's suicide when I was 8 and I was left with my Mother who I believe is autistic based on her behavior, and my golden brother.
So now I am left with wondering what happened to my son? I'm hopeful he is not fully N., but even so he is perhaps erasing me and portraying me as the abusive party, and still I am his Mom and I feel desperate to find a way to motivate him to get help quickly while there is time. And I know we are not supposed to have contact with an N, but this is my Son, this must be my fault, my responsibility.
I am working on myself. I do get that part. And I'm really feeling torn to pieces by all of this and I am desperate to have some idea where this goes. I want to have a good relationship with my son.
Then in 2015 we lost a friend to mental illness and suicide and after that my son began gaslighting me. He would often tell me he had already told me something or if I pointed something out he would say yeah, I already said something about that the other day.
For a few months when responding to me he would turn his face down and away from me and speak softly when answering. I would ask him to repeat himself and he would answer "Are you having trouble hearing?" His behavior continued and his comments became "You must be getting old, since you can't hear anymore". It was a wierd time that ended when I told him that my hearing was excellent and if he wanted to communicate with me it was his responsibility to ensure that I heard him otherwise I would be sure he was trying to not have me hear him and I would ignore him. And the behavior stopped completely.
I do not know if he is a covert N or not but I heard you say in the London Seminar that these guys become hardwired by 30 so thats terrifying. I am definately an empath and doormat I now realize, but I did not abuse him and there were consequences for behaviors as a child. I did raise him alone because his father bowed out when he heard the heartbeat inutero. Big covert N I now realize. But he has never even met my son.
I am aware I must work on myself and I am and I plan to continue. But I have not been able to find anything about our situation. And since I
started working on this issue I sent my son an email telling him I was working on my boundaries and asking for his support. He had an immediate overreaction via phone and email, telling me he knew I was up set and now I had upset hm and he didn't know why and calling me passive aggressive and asking me to call.
He is used to my responding to him immediately and I did not. The next day I sent an email saying I was not upset at all, I was good. I was not happy with our relationship and I was getting some help with that. I asked for his cooperation and support. That was December 19 and he has not replied although I emailed twice more simply asking for his support. I also sent an email on Christmas Day since we had spent every Christmas since his birth together, again no reply.
And I am dealing with my flashbacks surrounding abandonment. I have a lot of goopy history with my father's suicide when I was 8 and I was left with my Mother who I believe is autistic based on her behavior, and my golden brother.
So now I am left with wondering what happened to my son? I'm hopeful he is not fully N., but even so he is perhaps erasing me and portraying me as the abusive party, and still I am his Mom and I feel desperate to find a way to motivate him to get help quickly while there is time. And I know we are not supposed to have contact with an N, but this is my Son, this must be my fault, my responsibility.
I am working on myself. I do get that part. And I'm really feeling torn to pieces by all of this and I am desperate to have some idea where this goes. I want to have a good relationship with my son.
