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I'm really at a loss because I've had an experience with this woman and have been torn apart by her and discarded. I have been analyzing and maybe overanalyzing everything and it's possible that it is me and that I'm insecure and that she is perfectly a normal person just dumping me for being maybe insecure or clingy but I need to understand if it's me or something else.
I would like to kind of explain my story and if someone would read it ( I know it's super long but I don't know who to talk to anymore and I felt to write everything that happened) and let me know your thoughts and if it's me completely honest and tell me that I'm crazy and all that, that's perfectly fine but I need to get off this mental train and know what to do or to improve myself. I apologize for such a long post and I know that very few people might read it but I just need to write it somewhere and hopefully someone pitches in.
So, I met her, on Facebook by chance, I'll address her with letter J. I contacted her and we started chatting. Btw, I have NEVER done this before but with her I had such a strong connection the moment I saw her that I initiated the first contact. It was innocent at first and basically I was really interested in her. She lives in Sweden and I live in the States and we are from the same native country in Europe.
As we were communicating and chatting, I mentioned something about my astrologist talking about me meeting a woman just like her at that exact time. This triggered her emotions at least it appeared that way, and she said that her astrologist told her the same thing and that she would meet someone like me.
So at that point we became very romantic, sexual, constantly on camera all day, I could barely do any work as we were texting and if not texting we were on camera. I completely opened up to her because it's been a while since I had a relationship and I was concentrating on work.
She was getting divorced from her husband after 13 years and with 2 kids (a boy and a girl - the girl has special needs) and she was telling me absolutely awful things about him. That he was a psychopath, he was controlling her, emotionally abusing her, he was spying on her, she wouldn't flinch even if a truck hit him in front of her and so on. I dismissed these comments because she was telling me that I was her world, that there was no man like me and that she wouldn't know what to do if she lost me.
Most of my friends told me that there was something wrong with her because she has mostly pictures of herself on Facebook, posing, selfies, very few pictures of her with kids, and even more rare, a picture with her handicapped daughter. She even told me that she really posts photos where her daughter looks nice and it's hard to take a good picture of her due to her condition.
She is very pretty woman, but I also found out that she wasn't really working while she was with her husband, she did plastic surgery and was constantly trying to make herself look flawless but also posting a huge amount of pictures of herself on instagram and facebook. People told me to watch out, even some of my girl-friends or wives of my friends, but I just felt strongly about her that I brushed it off and defended her.
I was really under the impression that we were meant to be together and real soulmates. That I found her and it was her I was looking for this whole time. Since there was a time difference we would talk until 2-3am her time, and even though I would tell her to go to bed around 12:30 or 1am she would say "just another 15 mins" and stay on with me on camera until late. She would get up in the morning and immediately call me or text me and if I was sleeping and she was going about her day I would wake up to see 118 messages on Viber from her. Almost daily.
I told her about me being the only child, and that I have lost both parents and that last few years I was a wreck and that meeting her meant so much to me and she would talk about our kids, how they would look like us, giving them names of my passed parents. She told a few of her closest friends about me and her sisters and how I'm the one she wants to marry and be with forever.
About 3 months in, she started behaving a bit more distant, we would talk less often, and even though she bought the ticket for me to fly to Sweden (I would have paid for it but she rushed to get the ticket) I felt we were growing distant. She was supposed to travel to our home country to "finish" something about the real estate regarding her divorce (the split) and as that date was coming close I sensed her being more and more distant. The camera communication was happening less and less, and as a guy who was adored up until that point I was really getting sad and it was visible, I was down.
At one point she was badmouthing a kind girl that helped me and talked to me (nothing romantic) and she checked her out on Facebook and said "Well she is ugly, with a smile but I could see she was serious" and I basically sighed and said "Eh ugly.. " because I felt kind of bad that she said that about a girl regardless of whether she was pretty or "ugly".
This caused her to cry and after that I sensed her distancing herself even more. The next video camera communication was a bit sexual and even though we were VERY sexual on the cameras previously this time she was doing something with her finger and putting it in her mouth and afterwards she said "what a woman can do with just a finger and drive a man crazy".. and jokingly, maybe I didn't look like that as I kind of made a serious face, but I told her that I would not allow that she would "pursuade" me like that for some things, thinking how normal relationships basically work and how woman can in a funny way use the sexuality to get the husband or boyfriend to get them something for home or similar. She got offended and attacked me saying how I'm saying that she is using sexuality to gain things from me etc etc.
So at this point I was getting a lot more sad because I was feeling I lost her and she was cutting more and more communication and I wasn't sure what was going on. She was getting ready for that trip and was telling me how we might not be able to communicate because where she is going won't have connection all the time etc etc. I felt that it was another man in question and that she was going there to see him. I don't know why but that trip was so sudden. So, I added her other sister who lives there on Facebook (I talked to her a few times on Viber when she was visiting the woman I cared for) and I really wanted to tell her to watch for J and to kind of make sure she has fun as I felt after everything we weren't in good relations and that the problems with her ex-husband, she needed maybe some time off. Her sister said, no problem and that she will be with her non stop.
So a day later, after we haven't talked for over 20 hours, I sent a message to her sister over there and just asked if everything was ok, that I haven't talked to J in a while and if her sister was with her since I assumed she went out with some friends there. I won't lie, a part of me really was afriad that she was with someone else I just didn't want to appear that way. I got no response from her sister and the next day I got bombarded with hurtful comments from J how I was controlling, how I'm doing the same things her ex-husband was doing, that if we got married it would be the same, that everything I did for her and tried to do for her was done to control her, that she was getting suffocated and tired by talking to me up until 2-3 am in the morning etc etc.
Needless to mention this was such a huge shock to me. I was in disbelief. I did nothing to deserve it and she was turning everything against me as if I was doing these awful things out of some interest.
Then she stopped communicating with me for the remainder of her stay there and when she got back to Sweden, we would only exchange a few messages over the course of day and it would be mostly me and then she would say that she is sorry, she meant to contact me back but got really busy until eventually she stopped communicating completely. No camera, no texts really and at one point I asked her, if the time we were spending together meant anything I would like to talk to her on the phone once to talk about it. She called me and told me that there was something she didn't like about me without being specific and that she doesn't have the same feelings anymore.
This was shocking to me, within only 2-3 weeks I went from the soulmate and the man she can't live without to nothing really. After that I sent another message and though I was cancelling and rebooking my tickets to fly over there, I didn't know what to do anymore because I felt i lost her because of me but I was hurt and I told her that she liked her instagram likes and everything else more than she cared at me. That I am not even sure if she had any feelings for me.
This got her super super upset. She only sent me one message the next day and it was very nasty. That she wasn't waiting for me to tell her she was pretty, that she saw something in me she didn't like and that was it for us. After that she blocked me everywhere and would not communicate at all anymore. I didn't know what to do, I was communicating with her other sister a bit and I told her that I would fly to Sweden across half the world and will be in a coffee shop in a city and that I would hope she would meet me to talk to each other. I didn't go there with intent to go to her doors, but to just wait for her at a designated spot hoping she would still feel something and show up at least to talk.
Needless to say, I went there, and she never showed up. I brought presents for her kids as well because i grew to like the kids as I was seeing them on camera and photos often when we were communicating. While I was there she was going to Eurovision contest, taking pictures with people and posting it and I was crushed but I hoped she would show.
And yes, I did do a horrible thing that I have never ever done before. This whole Facebook thing was something I have never done before but after everything that has happened and she blocked me I created alternate Instagram and Facebook accounts to add her not to spy on her or anything of sorts but just to see her and try to find some answers and closure. I didn't know what to do anymore. I turned really into a kind of a stalker at this point which I was ashamed off too.
I managed to not look at her for a month or two after the break, and I saw that she unblocked me on Facebook and Instagram. This brought a lot of emotions in me. I thought she missed me and did it to maybe allow us to communicate again. Since I was back in the States, when I saw she did, I sent a bouquet of the same roses I sent her initially after we met that she loved. When she got the flowers I just wrote that I was proud to know the most beautiful woman and the strongest woman I've known in my life. After that she blocked me again everywhere.
At this point I was completely lost. I felt incredible guilt because I wrote some of those comments to her after her trip, I didn't know what it was about me that she didn't like, so I started questioning myself, evaluating, looking for flaws. Still in disbelief that someone could just turn off like that I thought that she still had feelings but was angry and was teaching me a lesson. So over the course of next 2-3 months I wrote her about 10 emails or so total. Every few weeks I would write her an email because I missed her so much. I was analyzing what I did wrong, telling her I missed her, go on a business trip and even though it's a beautiful place I wrote to her that I missed her and that without her it's just not the same joy being there. I now know she got the emails but at the time I didn't know if she would get them because I assumed she blocked me there too.
So in the emails I didn't write anything nasty, only loving, caring messages. My intent to improve myself and fix what's wrong etc etc.
In the meantime, I would go somewhere and post pictures on my instagram, and while I still had access via different IG account to her instagram, I would start noticing weird things. I post a photo of a glass with the view of the beach behind it on my instagram, she would post a similar setup a few hours later on hers. I wrote poetry on my instagram about her and how she was the one I was looking for, she would post double hearts with an arrow through right after I posted. I would go on business to a photo shoot with some soccer players, she would go to the museum and post some exhibits that look like soccer balls and she would put some hashtags soccer etc etc. I said on my facebook that I was going to Hawaii, and a day later she would post from her vacation a photo on some boat wearing the flowers around her neck like the Hula girls.
This stuff was making me crazy because I didn't know if this was crazy coincidence or if she was feeling something and was trying to communicate to me that way that I still cared.
I did our natal (horoscope) between us, and sent it to her because that's how we started communicating and having things in common and it was pretty amazing how that horoscope was describing the relationship between us (as destined, incredible compatibility etc etc). I thought if I sent her this, she would feel something because it meant to "us" at the beginning.
So I sent that, and went to the Hawaii vacation, I was there for a few days and I missed her and saw at an event there couples going 50 years in marriage and I couldn't help but write another brief email to her saying how I hoped it would be us there. None of the previous emails got answered.
But when I sent this last one, I got a horrible email from her. She said that I need to get a life, that she is with someone else, that I'm not a man, but a pussy and that's not what she needs and that her new man is all those things, asked if she should send me a photo of her new "MAN" bending her over or her riding him to show me that I don't exist for her anymore.
That I should live my life and get laid and not get stuck home ( i work in IT from my house office) etc etc. I mean horrible horrible nasty stuff. That I would have to deal with her MAN and if that didn't happen that she would call police for disturbing her and that I should never contact her again and that she would keep me blocked forever everywhere.
I mean, let me just say that I know I went to far and that I should have been an adult and just moved on, but even months after I still thought that she felt something especially with reactions to some of my instagram stuff and how she was responding. I just felt that if I sent her emails trying to analyze where it went wrong, how much I missed her it would awaken that kind and loving person from the beginning.
Instead I got that last email that completely destroyed me. She wrote most of it in all caps. Horrible insult after insult, threats, that I should look for professional help, after kind emails where all I wrote was loving and caring messages and I tried to analyze what happened. She would call me a retard etc etc..
At this point I removed all traces of those other accounts and have no intention of contacting her again, and while I think I do have issues like a lot of people with some things in life, I was never in this position as I am now. Felt emotionally destroyed and have done things I wouldn't have done in a million years. I am a strong man. I moved to the States alone from Europe completely by myself, I built everything I have and have done it alone, and I used to be very strong and even though I had relationships and breakups, this made me do things and demean myself beyond words.
Can someone tell me if it's me here and if I should look for psychiatrist for being pussy and stalker here out of the blue, or I've dealt with a narcissist. I just need some advice and honest, brutal insight.
Thank you!
I would like to kind of explain my story and if someone would read it ( I know it's super long but I don't know who to talk to anymore and I felt to write everything that happened) and let me know your thoughts and if it's me completely honest and tell me that I'm crazy and all that, that's perfectly fine but I need to get off this mental train and know what to do or to improve myself. I apologize for such a long post and I know that very few people might read it but I just need to write it somewhere and hopefully someone pitches in.
So, I met her, on Facebook by chance, I'll address her with letter J. I contacted her and we started chatting. Btw, I have NEVER done this before but with her I had such a strong connection the moment I saw her that I initiated the first contact. It was innocent at first and basically I was really interested in her. She lives in Sweden and I live in the States and we are from the same native country in Europe.
As we were communicating and chatting, I mentioned something about my astrologist talking about me meeting a woman just like her at that exact time. This triggered her emotions at least it appeared that way, and she said that her astrologist told her the same thing and that she would meet someone like me.
So at that point we became very romantic, sexual, constantly on camera all day, I could barely do any work as we were texting and if not texting we were on camera. I completely opened up to her because it's been a while since I had a relationship and I was concentrating on work.
She was getting divorced from her husband after 13 years and with 2 kids (a boy and a girl - the girl has special needs) and she was telling me absolutely awful things about him. That he was a psychopath, he was controlling her, emotionally abusing her, he was spying on her, she wouldn't flinch even if a truck hit him in front of her and so on. I dismissed these comments because she was telling me that I was her world, that there was no man like me and that she wouldn't know what to do if she lost me.
Most of my friends told me that there was something wrong with her because she has mostly pictures of herself on Facebook, posing, selfies, very few pictures of her with kids, and even more rare, a picture with her handicapped daughter. She even told me that she really posts photos where her daughter looks nice and it's hard to take a good picture of her due to her condition.
She is very pretty woman, but I also found out that she wasn't really working while she was with her husband, she did plastic surgery and was constantly trying to make herself look flawless but also posting a huge amount of pictures of herself on instagram and facebook. People told me to watch out, even some of my girl-friends or wives of my friends, but I just felt strongly about her that I brushed it off and defended her.
I was really under the impression that we were meant to be together and real soulmates. That I found her and it was her I was looking for this whole time. Since there was a time difference we would talk until 2-3am her time, and even though I would tell her to go to bed around 12:30 or 1am she would say "just another 15 mins" and stay on with me on camera until late. She would get up in the morning and immediately call me or text me and if I was sleeping and she was going about her day I would wake up to see 118 messages on Viber from her. Almost daily.
I told her about me being the only child, and that I have lost both parents and that last few years I was a wreck and that meeting her meant so much to me and she would talk about our kids, how they would look like us, giving them names of my passed parents. She told a few of her closest friends about me and her sisters and how I'm the one she wants to marry and be with forever.
About 3 months in, she started behaving a bit more distant, we would talk less often, and even though she bought the ticket for me to fly to Sweden (I would have paid for it but she rushed to get the ticket) I felt we were growing distant. She was supposed to travel to our home country to "finish" something about the real estate regarding her divorce (the split) and as that date was coming close I sensed her being more and more distant. The camera communication was happening less and less, and as a guy who was adored up until that point I was really getting sad and it was visible, I was down.
At one point she was badmouthing a kind girl that helped me and talked to me (nothing romantic) and she checked her out on Facebook and said "Well she is ugly, with a smile but I could see she was serious" and I basically sighed and said "Eh ugly.. " because I felt kind of bad that she said that about a girl regardless of whether she was pretty or "ugly".
This caused her to cry and after that I sensed her distancing herself even more. The next video camera communication was a bit sexual and even though we were VERY sexual on the cameras previously this time she was doing something with her finger and putting it in her mouth and afterwards she said "what a woman can do with just a finger and drive a man crazy".. and jokingly, maybe I didn't look like that as I kind of made a serious face, but I told her that I would not allow that she would "pursuade" me like that for some things, thinking how normal relationships basically work and how woman can in a funny way use the sexuality to get the husband or boyfriend to get them something for home or similar. She got offended and attacked me saying how I'm saying that she is using sexuality to gain things from me etc etc.
So at this point I was getting a lot more sad because I was feeling I lost her and she was cutting more and more communication and I wasn't sure what was going on. She was getting ready for that trip and was telling me how we might not be able to communicate because where she is going won't have connection all the time etc etc. I felt that it was another man in question and that she was going there to see him. I don't know why but that trip was so sudden. So, I added her other sister who lives there on Facebook (I talked to her a few times on Viber when she was visiting the woman I cared for) and I really wanted to tell her to watch for J and to kind of make sure she has fun as I felt after everything we weren't in good relations and that the problems with her ex-husband, she needed maybe some time off. Her sister said, no problem and that she will be with her non stop.
So a day later, after we haven't talked for over 20 hours, I sent a message to her sister over there and just asked if everything was ok, that I haven't talked to J in a while and if her sister was with her since I assumed she went out with some friends there. I won't lie, a part of me really was afriad that she was with someone else I just didn't want to appear that way. I got no response from her sister and the next day I got bombarded with hurtful comments from J how I was controlling, how I'm doing the same things her ex-husband was doing, that if we got married it would be the same, that everything I did for her and tried to do for her was done to control her, that she was getting suffocated and tired by talking to me up until 2-3 am in the morning etc etc.
Needless to mention this was such a huge shock to me. I was in disbelief. I did nothing to deserve it and she was turning everything against me as if I was doing these awful things out of some interest.
Then she stopped communicating with me for the remainder of her stay there and when she got back to Sweden, we would only exchange a few messages over the course of day and it would be mostly me and then she would say that she is sorry, she meant to contact me back but got really busy until eventually she stopped communicating completely. No camera, no texts really and at one point I asked her, if the time we were spending together meant anything I would like to talk to her on the phone once to talk about it. She called me and told me that there was something she didn't like about me without being specific and that she doesn't have the same feelings anymore.
This was shocking to me, within only 2-3 weeks I went from the soulmate and the man she can't live without to nothing really. After that I sent another message and though I was cancelling and rebooking my tickets to fly over there, I didn't know what to do anymore because I felt i lost her because of me but I was hurt and I told her that she liked her instagram likes and everything else more than she cared at me. That I am not even sure if she had any feelings for me.
This got her super super upset. She only sent me one message the next day and it was very nasty. That she wasn't waiting for me to tell her she was pretty, that she saw something in me she didn't like and that was it for us. After that she blocked me everywhere and would not communicate at all anymore. I didn't know what to do, I was communicating with her other sister a bit and I told her that I would fly to Sweden across half the world and will be in a coffee shop in a city and that I would hope she would meet me to talk to each other. I didn't go there with intent to go to her doors, but to just wait for her at a designated spot hoping she would still feel something and show up at least to talk.
Needless to say, I went there, and she never showed up. I brought presents for her kids as well because i grew to like the kids as I was seeing them on camera and photos often when we were communicating. While I was there she was going to Eurovision contest, taking pictures with people and posting it and I was crushed but I hoped she would show.
And yes, I did do a horrible thing that I have never ever done before. This whole Facebook thing was something I have never done before but after everything that has happened and she blocked me I created alternate Instagram and Facebook accounts to add her not to spy on her or anything of sorts but just to see her and try to find some answers and closure. I didn't know what to do anymore. I turned really into a kind of a stalker at this point which I was ashamed off too.
I managed to not look at her for a month or two after the break, and I saw that she unblocked me on Facebook and Instagram. This brought a lot of emotions in me. I thought she missed me and did it to maybe allow us to communicate again. Since I was back in the States, when I saw she did, I sent a bouquet of the same roses I sent her initially after we met that she loved. When she got the flowers I just wrote that I was proud to know the most beautiful woman and the strongest woman I've known in my life. After that she blocked me again everywhere.
At this point I was completely lost. I felt incredible guilt because I wrote some of those comments to her after her trip, I didn't know what it was about me that she didn't like, so I started questioning myself, evaluating, looking for flaws. Still in disbelief that someone could just turn off like that I thought that she still had feelings but was angry and was teaching me a lesson. So over the course of next 2-3 months I wrote her about 10 emails or so total. Every few weeks I would write her an email because I missed her so much. I was analyzing what I did wrong, telling her I missed her, go on a business trip and even though it's a beautiful place I wrote to her that I missed her and that without her it's just not the same joy being there. I now know she got the emails but at the time I didn't know if she would get them because I assumed she blocked me there too.
So in the emails I didn't write anything nasty, only loving, caring messages. My intent to improve myself and fix what's wrong etc etc.
In the meantime, I would go somewhere and post pictures on my instagram, and while I still had access via different IG account to her instagram, I would start noticing weird things. I post a photo of a glass with the view of the beach behind it on my instagram, she would post a similar setup a few hours later on hers. I wrote poetry on my instagram about her and how she was the one I was looking for, she would post double hearts with an arrow through right after I posted. I would go on business to a photo shoot with some soccer players, she would go to the museum and post some exhibits that look like soccer balls and she would put some hashtags soccer etc etc. I said on my facebook that I was going to Hawaii, and a day later she would post from her vacation a photo on some boat wearing the flowers around her neck like the Hula girls.
This stuff was making me crazy because I didn't know if this was crazy coincidence or if she was feeling something and was trying to communicate to me that way that I still cared.
I did our natal (horoscope) between us, and sent it to her because that's how we started communicating and having things in common and it was pretty amazing how that horoscope was describing the relationship between us (as destined, incredible compatibility etc etc). I thought if I sent her this, she would feel something because it meant to "us" at the beginning.
So I sent that, and went to the Hawaii vacation, I was there for a few days and I missed her and saw at an event there couples going 50 years in marriage and I couldn't help but write another brief email to her saying how I hoped it would be us there. None of the previous emails got answered.
But when I sent this last one, I got a horrible email from her. She said that I need to get a life, that she is with someone else, that I'm not a man, but a pussy and that's not what she needs and that her new man is all those things, asked if she should send me a photo of her new "MAN" bending her over or her riding him to show me that I don't exist for her anymore.
That I should live my life and get laid and not get stuck home ( i work in IT from my house office) etc etc. I mean horrible horrible nasty stuff. That I would have to deal with her MAN and if that didn't happen that she would call police for disturbing her and that I should never contact her again and that she would keep me blocked forever everywhere.
I mean, let me just say that I know I went to far and that I should have been an adult and just moved on, but even months after I still thought that she felt something especially with reactions to some of my instagram stuff and how she was responding. I just felt that if I sent her emails trying to analyze where it went wrong, how much I missed her it would awaken that kind and loving person from the beginning.
Instead I got that last email that completely destroyed me. She wrote most of it in all caps. Horrible insult after insult, threats, that I should look for professional help, after kind emails where all I wrote was loving and caring messages and I tried to analyze what happened. She would call me a retard etc etc..
At this point I removed all traces of those other accounts and have no intention of contacting her again, and while I think I do have issues like a lot of people with some things in life, I was never in this position as I am now. Felt emotionally destroyed and have done things I wouldn't have done in a million years. I am a strong man. I moved to the States alone from Europe completely by myself, I built everything I have and have done it alone, and I used to be very strong and even though I had relationships and breakups, this made me do things and demean myself beyond words.
Can someone tell me if it's me here and if I should look for psychiatrist for being pussy and stalker here out of the blue, or I've dealt with a narcissist. I just need some advice and honest, brutal insight.
Thank you!
