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So I noticed today that I had absolutely zero craving for weed or alcohol. I used to kinda lightly self mutilate pick at my body and this has just stopped. I almost cannot believe it. Another thing is that I'm noticing what I'm focusing on and all the insecurities that I have been unable to really notice until now. My behaviors with friends or even casual aquaintances. The intensity of the emotional discomfort seems to be lessening and more of my thoughts are moving away from sadness, grief, and anger to more productive types of thoughts.
I'm noticing that my ADHD/ADD is improving a bit. I move through the day a bit more organized with what I'm trying to accomplish.
I also suddenly started to record myself with the webcam expressing emotional stuff and talking about whatever is going on. I could barely do this before and would feel excessively self-concious and couldn't get past the discomfort of watching myself talk to myself on a vid. So in addition to the written journaling, this new habit of vlogging with the webcam really started to emerge. I'm beginning to find it pleasureable to vent out uncomfortable topics, thoughts, feelings. For some reason when I watch myself start crying I begin to cry. That is so weird.
Another thing that occurred that is a big one. For a long time I would just not be able to take in certain information or even seek it because it would conflict with my reality too much. This is the point where I see the narcissism within myself. Because suddenly certain new information is not as frightening or I'm just less resistant to looking at things that previously I had a really difficult time with. I'm more able to accept certain realities that i just couldn't seem to take in before. This is the biggest one that I'm most excited about. I'm actually thinking about what I want to do to better my situation.
I'm noticing that my ADHD/ADD is improving a bit. I move through the day a bit more organized with what I'm trying to accomplish.
I also suddenly started to record myself with the webcam expressing emotional stuff and talking about whatever is going on. I could barely do this before and would feel excessively self-concious and couldn't get past the discomfort of watching myself talk to myself on a vid. So in addition to the written journaling, this new habit of vlogging with the webcam really started to emerge. I'm beginning to find it pleasureable to vent out uncomfortable topics, thoughts, feelings. For some reason when I watch myself start crying I begin to cry. That is so weird.
Another thing that occurred that is a big one. For a long time I would just not be able to take in certain information or even seek it because it would conflict with my reality too much. This is the point where I see the narcissism within myself. Because suddenly certain new information is not as frightening or I'm just less resistant to looking at things that previously I had a really difficult time with. I'm more able to accept certain realities that i just couldn't seem to take in before. This is the biggest one that I'm most excited about. I'm actually thinking about what I want to do to better my situation.
