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My brothers youngest daughter was diagnosed with a very rare blood cancer/disorder last year. She also had open heart surgery at the age of 5. Although we knew his ex-wife wasn't a loving person, and was a pathological liar, and in our opinion, was a terrible mother, we had no idea until his daughter was hospitalized for over a year, exactly who we were dealing with. She camped out at the hospital, never agreeing to a schedule for both parents (keeping in mind, they are divorced and share custody) as leaving the hospital with my brother caring for his daughter equally would mean less control for the mother. Of course, anyone who knew she was camping out there would assume it was because she was so concerned about her daughter's well being and couldn't bring herself to leave. Yet this same mother, on this daughters birthday, weeks before being admitted to the hospital for almost a year with a bone marrow transplant, left her daughter sobbing inconsolably on my brothers front porch without so much as a text or phone call explaining anything. This little girl, chemo port in and 1/3 of her normal body weight, left distressed and sobbing.....
She is now home. And tragically, under virtually total control of her mother. My brother barely gets to see them anymore. He had shared custody, but their mother has realized the financial value and the constant attention having a sick child has given her. This "condition" knows no limits to the pain it causes. My brother feels that by having loved them unconditionally, he has now lost them. I'm never sure who I hurt for me, he, or his girls. He is a broken man, capable of so much love, so much kindness, so much compassion. He's a wonderful human being who has had his spirit crushed by trying to be a good person to his daughters mother, even when we pleaded with his to fight for custody.
Our family understands that it is my brother who has to get help, but it's so toxic to all of us that on top of trying to come to some form of acceptance that a child had to go through what she did.....it was absolutely killing our family that the most damaging person in her life, her own mother, had virtually all of the control.
This will take so long to recover from. Any feedback or advice is very much appreciated.
She is now home. And tragically, under virtually total control of her mother. My brother barely gets to see them anymore. He had shared custody, but their mother has realized the financial value and the constant attention having a sick child has given her. This "condition" knows no limits to the pain it causes. My brother feels that by having loved them unconditionally, he has now lost them. I'm never sure who I hurt for me, he, or his girls. He is a broken man, capable of so much love, so much kindness, so much compassion. He's a wonderful human being who has had his spirit crushed by trying to be a good person to his daughters mother, even when we pleaded with his to fight for custody.
Our family understands that it is my brother who has to get help, but it's so toxic to all of us that on top of trying to come to some form of acceptance that a child had to go through what she did.....it was absolutely killing our family that the most damaging person in her life, her own mother, had virtually all of the control.
This will take so long to recover from. Any feedback or advice is very much appreciated.
