overcompensating is as harmful as self-neglect

Hi everybody,

I started doing the exercises from several courses, regularly. I felt like they are "so compatible with what I need" and "just exactly what I was looking for", and so on.
Then problems started.
I imagined that I will just do the exercises, just finally heal, send a big thank you letter/ etc, and move on with my life. No! What happens is that it looks like I am doing everything I can to twist the exercices and materials - in a way to destroy myself with them: I do the exercises too much, too often, overdoing them, expecting too much from myself, till I exhaust my brain so it can't function well, and it sends me terrible anxiety and panic attacks (and it is right). And it is getting worse, I'm nearly psychotic, and I have to stop this.

Yes, I know the answer: stop this mental self-harm addiction, establish boundaries, use the exercises in a way they meant to be used. Take a break now. Forgive yourself. It's OK, you have this desire to solve the puzzle of the past with this behavior, or whatever. It's OK to feel this way, BUT don't act on it, look behind it, see it for what it is. Look at the present reality.

Yes... OK.

It's just very, very hard!!

But I can do this.

I can set boundaries in my head, I can start using exercises/ materials in a way that is really helping me. I know I can do this. I have enough knowledge on how to do these things, my intuition is telling me the right things now, I can do this, I just have to be really strong now, make a reality check, and let go of some illusions.

Hi Janet,

I think I can relate - I get way too obsessive with the exercises for a period of time and then, when I realise that I am not getting any happier, I stop doing the course alltogether thinking what is the use? There might be several things at play and one of them could be, that a vicious inner critic is trying to put you down every time you try to move forward. Pete Walker covers this excellently in his book on CPTSD. I just finished reading it and it has been a complete eye-opener for me.

Initiated wrote:Hi Janet,

I think I can relate - I get way too obsessive with the exercises for a period of time and then, when I realise that I am not getting any happier, I stop doing the course alltogether thinking what is the use? There might be several things at play and one of them could be, that a vicious inner critic is trying to put you down every time you try to move forward. Pete Walker covers this excellently in his book on CPTSD. I just finished reading it and it has been a complete eye-opener for me.

hi initiated,
yes, the inner cirtic, and some sort of an unhealthy belief, that makes me resists change, and sabotage things.
But since I identified it, and started to do my exercises, and other things in life generally, a in a more sane, and more human, more self-compassionate way - I'm feeling much much better.
One of the most healing lessons I learned lately is that I'm allowed to do things in a sane and human way. So a "1 minute exercise" - doesn't mean a "1 hour exercise" for me anymore XD.
Thank you

what I experience is that it's much more painful to do "less" than to overload myself with "work", by trying to do 100 times more than I should.
that's because doing "less" (in my case right now) doesn't mean less, it means real.
and "overloading myself with work" in my case right now means trying to avoid facing up with the reality. It's not real work, it's avoiding real work. I will never really change if I continue doing things this way, so probably for the first time in many years (if not my whole life) - I'm learning to really do the real work in present reality. I've reached a point where I don't have other choice. It's painful anyways, so why not trying to live in reality?.. at least that gives me a chance.