aha moment with nc

I've recently gone nc, and had a bit of an aha moment that I thought i'd share.  nc isn't just about preventing any further abuse or stress in our lives, its also about letting the heavy stuff go so we can almost re-form to how we are supposed to be, or more comfortable. I still have a long way to go with c-ptsd but feel like a little light has got in and made me curious as to what else is possible.  the trauma bonds are so strong and I know many of us fight them everyday, so appreciate how hard this work is first hand.  

also one of the things I wasn't ready for with nc, is that once the npd is gone from our external environment, the focus slowly shifts from external to internal and  equally as hard is the work needed on the internal environment that the npd has created within us (parents or long time abuse), if that makes sense?   so much of this is subconscious.  beliefs through feelings.  the thoughts (if we can catch them) seem to be the end product of the feeling, and the beliefs are like trying to describe water to a fish, its all we've ever known (to those of us who've grown up around npds).

has anyone else had any aha moments with nc?

After the N that I married left it wasn't long before I realized that the work that I was doing to unravel the behavioral training (deprogram malware) within myself was being undermined by my own mother. I had a huge A-ha moment when she pulled a flying monkey stunt ( Insisting that I was to still be under full control of the N ) when I was making a giant breakthrough in my boundary re-establishment process. Sooooo,.... I had to add her to the NC list. It was only then that I was able to free myself of the crippling anxiety and that then opened yet another door within me and I was finally able to speak up for myself and be my own advocate. My healing has grown exponentially since that day. I don't regret it.

As long as you have a disordered individual in your life you will feel like you're trying to dig a hole in the sand with the tide coming in as far as your own healing goes. Whatever progress you try to make, they just come behind you and wash it away.

hi katc, yes, i'm fast coming to the realization that those of us who've gone into relationships with npd's, have been conditioned to accept it by npd parents, and once we start working to exit that world of pain we find that many if not most of the people around us are also npds. it was the 'normal'. so yes, the other npds who seem to all work on the same malware have huge investments in the targets staying unaware and abused. I've noticed the same thing. two npds (one now nc) who knew each other through me, met and they sized each other up in such a cold, creepy way. then they clocked their similarities and started working together to hurt me. so freaking sick. same malware.

i'm sad to hear that you also had an npd mother and ex-partner. kudos to you for the nc though. that takes a lot of strength and courage. I find that the more I focus on my own interests and life, the smaller the remaining ones become. its hard because they sense this strength and try to disable it by any means, but I keep on. it truly is like a fun game of chess to them...you move..they move. only our moves are for healthy lives and love and they are predators.