He said no in a lot of words, got mad immediately, was not willing to talk at all, I can't believe for how long this has been going on..
He told me he wasn't going to "break or cater to my needs" he'd also say things like, he's not going to coddle me or try to make me feel better because it's "not his job", I was asking him if we could make dinner together more often or do things occasionally outside of the house. He turned the entire conversation around into me thinking his hobbies are dumb and thinking that his going back to school is stupid and etc etc etc... I was totally silent and he's just going on saying things like "you think this.. I know you feel this.." and so I just said, okay.. so I guess there isn't much for me to work with here.
I tell him that I feel like he's being mean to me and he doesn't see how I would think that.. then finally he admits that his life is easier being stern and not being in touch with his emotions, and that he doesn't like having close emotional connections with people because he doesn't like opening up and it's "only led to bad things"... so I'm like.. okay... you know that isn't going to work for me and he just like.. yeah gave me nothing.. he was just really mean.. Something else weird that happened was I asked him if he was going to be okay, if we broke up, because I was worried about him.. and he just like laughed.. and said if that's whats keeping you here you don't have to worry about that at all... ouch. okay then.
I still feel kind of bad though because I don't think he wants to treat other people badly, that's just what happens when you refuse to connect with another person and continually fuck with them and push and pull them around.. like what else was I supposed to do? He said a lot of confusing things and then told me that I wasn't making sense when I was just repeating my main point over and over..he told me that I can't stand to be alone.. ugh.. why would anyone do this to another person.
He also said things like I wasn't acting interested the past two weeks.. (?) and like, maybe I was grey fox/wolf/stoning him a little bit, whatever the phrase is, because yeah I can see through his bullshit now. But every time I try to talk to him it's the same exact thing, at least it didn't get super bad, but I'm a little worried.. So I told him I'd still pay for my rent for the next month and he was like surprised that I was talking about moving out, but it seems like at least we both decided it's going to finally end. I'm not going to have a bed and I'll be sleeping on the floor of some shitty studio apartment but... idk.. I hope this means I can have a good life.
I tried to leave once before before we were even living together and he ended up begging for me to come back and promised he'd never make me feel like that again, and I lost out on my security deposit I had made and yeah that was fucked up... I totally fell for it because I really wanted it to be true.. Idk what's "wrong" with him or if we're just not compatible but it's definitely ending.. hopefully I can be strong enough to go through with it and I also have a lot going on in my professional life so this is very scary right now. I'm also really scared to tell my g-parents that it's ending, I think they'll eventually understand but at first they'll probably be confused and upset to..
Last edited by luxgurl on Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:23 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : adding trigger warning to title)