Advice for the narcissist

Hello Richard,

To start, your videos and podcasts have been a tremendous help to me and my spouse over the past few weeks. In short, she has long thought I was a narcissist and until recenly, I always denied that idea. Only recently in trying to improve our marraige have I gave it some thought that it may be the reason our relationship, and many of my prior relationships didn't work out. I've got as much information as possible, and while I certainly have some of the covert narcissistic triats, I am confused as I don't do many of these things consciously. I've also come across info that may say I'm on the austism/asperger's spectrum, but that doesn't seem to fit me 100% either.

Either way, my wife certainly has most of the CPTSD/narcissistic abuse symptoms and is in terrible shape. I too am depressed and lost trying to understand how I keep hurting her. (So much for keeping that short).

My question is, do you have any advice for someone like me? If I am a narcissist, then are there any resources for people like me? Any hope to change? Also, any advice for my wife, who is at this point nearly falling apart and is starting to lose hope for the future?

Keep up the great work,

C

I know you want rich to answer this... but... I'd have to say that playing with NPD is not something anyone in this forum wants to do. If you are a NPD then why havent you gone to a psychologist? If you have what did they say? If your avoiding it why?

good morning (afternoon ,etc)

@ jcartCHi've been thinking about "playing with NPD".  
(not that you asked me ... but...)
i think that there are two types of information seekers on this forum.  "wild rabbits" that are truly scared and want to keep away from : two year olds ,and dogs,  etc..
This is a normal, wild rabbit with normal responses. (get some tips and be on your way.. have a great life with your wild rabbit family and friends avoiding dangers together)
"pet rabbits" are raised to override all their wild wiring to not be threatened by a two year old human , dog, etc...
This rabbit will keep going back to the two year old and back to the dog because that's all they've been 'trained' for -or- The rabbit will isolate and the  two year old and the dog will keep going back to the rabbit because the rabbit can't get away.  (either way, this one is more complicated ---especially because i'm not really talking about rabbits)


Playing with NPD  example :
A wild rabbit (prey) in nature will disappoint a two year old human child (narcissist) by
: biting / running off / never coming back
A pet rabbit will satisfy a two year old human child by  
:and/or not running off (tolerating attention)  
:and/or staying (wanting attention)

:both wild and pet rabbits (caged) can end up aggressive = not satisfying to the two year old
(i think caged-rabbit is the common rabbit connection on the forum and then you're either a wild rabbit or a pet rabbit.. and there are some two year olds on here -no disrespect- that are looking for rules for playing with rabbits... and there are some pet rabbits looking for the same rules to play with the two year old.)

I caught myself yelling at a child the other day. He claimed that my dog bit him and because of that I felt threatened. It started off as me just trying to inform the child of what might happen if the police or another adult took his claims seriously. ie. they could take my dog away and put him down for being vicious.
After the child continued to stick to his lie about my dog having bitten him, I became aggressive and used shame and guilt to verbally abuse this child. This is what I learned from 52 years of dealing directly with NPD's.
lowering humans to an analogy about rabbits might be something (a tactic) that NPD would do. humans are not rabbits nor do they conform to behaviors that animals have... they are a bit more complicated than that... I hope you can see the difference.

@jcartCH
for clarity :
-"humans are not rabbits" (i agree with you)
"nor do they conform to behaviors that animals have" (i disagree with you)
"they are a bit more complicated than that" (i have to acknowledge that i don't how complicated a rabbit's thinking is ..and i agree that most humans are a bit more complicated ..but not all and not everywhere.)
i'm sorry to hear your coping skills aren't working very well for you..and glad to hear that you "caught" yourself.. hopefully, it was before things got too out of hand.
-if you'd like to continue our 'conversation' , you are welcome to.

@cdh1981 - hi, your mention of autism spectrum was of interest to me as i have found an 'overlap?' of narcissism/autism behaviour in my attempt to figure things out. if you'd like to share more about it, i'd be grateful.
(not to dismiss your overall story..sorry to hear and thank you for sharing)