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I am doing a documentary on my relationship with a narcissist five years out of the relationship. By this point, I've done enough research to know absolutely no one would recommend that or encourage it. However, I believe it is a worthy project for educational purposes and I want to make sure it's informed with both experts and experiencers.
So, to start, I was wondering if anyone heard their partner tell them a story, then heard a different version of the same story from an objective observer.
I'll give you an example. My girlfriend told me she was walking home one evening from a bar wearing heels and a man came walking behind her. He caught up to her in the parking lot of her building and she whirled around, faced him and said "Do you believe in God?" And he went away.
When I talked to her twin sister about that incident, bear in mind her sister was living with her at the time, she said "No. She came home that night, said she'd just had sex with a stranger in the parking lot and she found it a spiritual experience. She told me she enjoyed it."
There's no way to know the true story, but clearly, she told two different versions: one to her sister immediately after, and one to her boyfriend twenty years later.
I can see she wanted me to think of her as powerful and in control, but I wonder if the story to her sister was the same thing in a different way? Was she showing her sister she was powerful and in control by labelling the assault as a spiritual experience?
And, is there any way a covert narcissist would react to an assault in this way? I can't imagine she made it up out of the blue, so is this reframing?
So, to start, I was wondering if anyone heard their partner tell them a story, then heard a different version of the same story from an objective observer.
I'll give you an example. My girlfriend told me she was walking home one evening from a bar wearing heels and a man came walking behind her. He caught up to her in the parking lot of her building and she whirled around, faced him and said "Do you believe in God?" And he went away.
When I talked to her twin sister about that incident, bear in mind her sister was living with her at the time, she said "No. She came home that night, said she'd just had sex with a stranger in the parking lot and she found it a spiritual experience. She told me she enjoyed it."
There's no way to know the true story, but clearly, she told two different versions: one to her sister immediately after, and one to her boyfriend twenty years later.
I can see she wanted me to think of her as powerful and in control, but I wonder if the story to her sister was the same thing in a different way? Was she showing her sister she was powerful and in control by labelling the assault as a spiritual experience?
And, is there any way a covert narcissist would react to an assault in this way? I can't imagine she made it up out of the blue, so is this reframing?
