Home
I recently realized that i communicated with myself in an passive agressive way. The same way one of my parents did. Instead of stating what I need I point at it indierctly. If I than try to do it, I talk myself out of it. Like this: Its okay, its not that urgent. I just meant it would be good if that would get done. Excatly like my parent did. If you communicate with yourself passiv agressively everything that needs to be done is equally important. There are no priorities.
I dont know if just realizing it was enough to cause the shift or if sth. else shifted and than I was able to see and change that behaviour, but now I state what I need. And there is no doubt in my mind, no wavering when I start doing it, no other task that calls for my attention. And when I´m not in the mood to do it, than I at least know I´m procrastinating right now. The urgency stays and I eventually do it. Before, it would just get lost. And worst of all, even when I did do it, I wouldnt feel "grateful", relived, proud. Nothing, because maybe I didnt even needed to do it.
If I had to guess what caused the shift, it would be the topic of rejection and getting comfortable doing so. While I was thinking about that, I noticed a friend who kept romanticing our realtionship. Not in an dierct flirty way, but by randomly uttering the words girlfriend boyfriend at the end of conversations. Thats not putting yourself out there, thats not taking a risk. Thats cheating the system, bc I dont even have the chance to reject the advances. And than, in horror, I realized I do the same. If I´m not interested in someone I just talk and if I am, I push romance on them. If they let me, they might be interested in me, so I told myself and if they dont, I could tell myself either that I´m to much or that they just couldnt handle me. Either way they rejected my apporach not me.
Passive agressive people are afraid of rejection and so was I with potential romantic partners. But I wasnt rejecting myself, I just didnt had the chance to hear me. Why would I reject myself. I wanted what ever it was done too. Maybe when I sat up boundaries explictly for passive agressive behaviour, I opened up a dierct communication line with myself. Other boundaries I handle like so: I wait untill sth happens and than defend myself. With this I put the boundary way sooner. I "reject" compliments, banter, advice. Dierct people may do so, but they dont use it as an opening to suddenly call me girlfriend, but anyone else is just testing the water to see if they can get away with it. They wont. I decided what kind of relationship I wanted with them. If they want to change it, they have to risk it or deal. But there is no need to live in fear of me rejecting me, bc what ever it is is in my best interest. I always thought I had a good realtionship to myself, turns out I was practically giving myself the silenttreatment. I dont feel diffrent about myself, I just get things done now.
I dont know if just realizing it was enough to cause the shift or if sth. else shifted and than I was able to see and change that behaviour, but now I state what I need. And there is no doubt in my mind, no wavering when I start doing it, no other task that calls for my attention. And when I´m not in the mood to do it, than I at least know I´m procrastinating right now. The urgency stays and I eventually do it. Before, it would just get lost. And worst of all, even when I did do it, I wouldnt feel "grateful", relived, proud. Nothing, because maybe I didnt even needed to do it.
If I had to guess what caused the shift, it would be the topic of rejection and getting comfortable doing so. While I was thinking about that, I noticed a friend who kept romanticing our realtionship. Not in an dierct flirty way, but by randomly uttering the words girlfriend boyfriend at the end of conversations. Thats not putting yourself out there, thats not taking a risk. Thats cheating the system, bc I dont even have the chance to reject the advances. And than, in horror, I realized I do the same. If I´m not interested in someone I just talk and if I am, I push romance on them. If they let me, they might be interested in me, so I told myself and if they dont, I could tell myself either that I´m to much or that they just couldnt handle me. Either way they rejected my apporach not me.
Passive agressive people are afraid of rejection and so was I with potential romantic partners. But I wasnt rejecting myself, I just didnt had the chance to hear me. Why would I reject myself. I wanted what ever it was done too. Maybe when I sat up boundaries explictly for passive agressive behaviour, I opened up a dierct communication line with myself. Other boundaries I handle like so: I wait untill sth happens and than defend myself. With this I put the boundary way sooner. I "reject" compliments, banter, advice. Dierct people may do so, but they dont use it as an opening to suddenly call me girlfriend, but anyone else is just testing the water to see if they can get away with it. They wont. I decided what kind of relationship I wanted with them. If they want to change it, they have to risk it or deal. But there is no need to live in fear of me rejecting me, bc what ever it is is in my best interest. I always thought I had a good realtionship to myself, turns out I was practically giving myself the silenttreatment. I dont feel diffrent about myself, I just get things done now.
