Knowing When it's Happening

For me, this is rather difficult. I often question if I'm being a people pleaser or am I being kind or am I setting a boundary that's right and legitimate or....

I'm an Aspie. I have some physical issues that keep me tired thus my brain is not always at its best. Discerning is crucial in this venture and yet it's one of the hardest things for me. I'm quite comfortable at looking myself in the proverbial mirror and dealing with truth head-on. But so often the truth is foggy since I've really spent my entire life under someone else's control.

I'm currently waiting for the narc to leave. I've made my desire clear. I'm doing what I can to move in that direction, but of course, he procrastinates. This leaves me anxious and all my triggers get pulled and I'm in a constant state of sorting out what's real and what's reactionary on my part.

It amazes me how something very tiny can seem like an invitation to the narc. Because we're in the same house still, separation is even harder. If, for example, I were to wash a dish, he'd take that as some kind of gesture. It sounds insane...and I guess it is. Is anyone here still stuck with the narc and trying to get rid of them? How have you managed to keep your sanity?

I'm faced with the possibility of having to oust him. If he won't go willingly, I may have to move his belongings out for him. Of course, this will be done when he's not here and with great effort and help from others. is this wrong of me? We're approaching a month since I made my desires known. I understand that renting an apartment means it might be near month's end.

Part of what he does is play the victim. And to have me "throw him out into the streets" can very well play into his game. I'm not getting too hung up on what I look like in this. I've been a scapegoat all my life, so rather used to being the one blamed for everything. But for my own sake, for my own sense of right and wrong, is it wrong to put out his things if he doesn't do what's expected?

He's 77...significantly older than I...and he's already played the age card in his excuses. He could cry "elder abuse". But having given him significant time and means to leave, I'm hoping that won't play out.

Where do my boundaries become right and good and where do they turn into me being unreasonable and doing something "wrong"?

Hi gigiminer !

I'm not sure what is Aspie, or how much it distort your ability to make good decisions, but if you are living with a Narc, for sure he need to leave.
I would suggest first get legal counselor, I can't give you advice with out knowing the context, and if he live with you for so many year, maybe he can have a legal defense and you can't just trow him out the window with out a official legal warning to him.
This is not about kindness or mercy, its about be professional so you can even protect yourself in the future if he tries revenge or drama.
And don't care about his age, it means nothing if he don't respect you.
You need get your life back, have someone who support you by your side. =D

Thanks, NeoWuf. I've sent email to legal aid. They may not answer or they may take quite a while.

Aspie = Asperger's.

I appreciate the moral support.

I think you are entitled to have a safe place.
If the house is yours, he will have to go. He is indeed old enough to take care of himself as you might expect him to. In your experience he has done it to himself so now his roof over his head is his problem, not yours.

You don't have to become insane, insanity is the excuse you're using to refrain from reality. The truth is there to see if you want to. If you sum up the courage...