Unconventional and NOT for everyone!!!!!

Fight back? Shine a spotlight on that which is only spoken openly between us, the abused? Is it safe? Very possibly not and I mean that mentally, emotionally and physically. To date I have researched and identified narcissism versus Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I have given myself permission to do nothing. I used to be someone that had a type A drive and a desperate need to be someone, so doing nothing would have been akin to death. The entire month of July was viewing the eternal black abyss as the peace I longed for. It was the only thing that made me happy was nothingness. Also at this time of being discarded my mother initiated an investigation with the state claiming I stole from her. I knew I would be cleared so that was not concerning but that entire, and my only, side of my family refused to talk or respond to me. Everyone. So the losses were piling up. Three daughters (an entire story of its own), husband, mother, aunt, three brothers and cousins gone all within a months time. Despite my intentions and desire otherwise, I kept breathing. Sometime after that I started to realize that I could not remain small, cowered in the corner. If I did wasn’t I giving tacit permission for the abuse to continue? I was blessing the abusers and the abuse by my silence. Everything I was reading supported the conventional wisdom of going no contact. Grey rock it. Show no emotion to the abuser if circumstances forced me to interact. That felt wrong. It felt wrong deep in my broken soul. The bit of intuition I had left said no. Silence is not ok. I was scared, something I did not usually feel when standing up against wrong. Yes, my stand was bent, crippled and from the semi-safety of my bed. Following that rose the anger. Empowered by the false power that anger gives. I intuitively knew it was my only way to convert victim to survivor. Speak the truth. Speak my truth. The ugly and humiliating at times truth. My brokenness exposed to all. Soon I started seeing glimpses of a warrior in my minds eye. Red hair, strong muscled body wrapped in shiny armor, eyes bright with the light reclaimed. In her hands she holds a sword yet the true weapon is our voices speaking the truth. I can see her clearly as I write this. She was not just born. She always was. All the exterior chipped away until both the warrior and the bowed, broken remained. They know each other well as they should. They are two sides of the proverbial coin that is me. I claim both. So from the pseudo safety of my bed I took both for a test run on Facebook no less. I invited all to pile on my broken glass self. Oh yes, the monkeys flew. I responded. I responded not with emotion. I responded not from a defensive perspective. I simply said no. No. What you write isn’t true. Because outing a malignant covert narcissist is fraught with very real danger friends pleaded with me not to out him. It was in that pleading that I owned the why. I owned who I am. I persisted over and over again outing my abuser. I shined a spotlight on him. Interestingly two things started happening that I did not foresee. The first is that the flying monkeys and the narcissist became quiet. (I do not know if that is temporary or not) The second thing was that I was getting support. Real written on my Facebook in response to attacks support. I was not alone. It was time. Time for us to stand up. To give all a voice. To declare what the abuser did. To support each other when we see a victim transmute victim hood into survivor warrior. Their stand like ours does not have to be an exercise in martyrdom. It is not a me against the world. It can be an us. The survivor warriors as a force to call out, name the abuse and the abuser. This is not my concept. At the same time as I began to claim my truth another warrior that came before me entered my life. (There are no coincidences my friends.) He proposed exactly that. Banding together to support the new survivor warrior as they speak their truth. Call it what you want. Narcissist, psychotic or evil. It has spread to a critical mass. We see it in those we voted to lead us. We see it at the head of major corporations. We see it in our workplace. In our neighbors. In our families. So hear this, my warrior cry, join us. Stand strong. We will support you. I am not the first nor will I be the last. This is my mantra. This is me.
I am taking back my life, my soul, my heart and my choices. They are more precious than I knew. I am not a victim. I am survivor with a warrior spirit that always was with me