God/Faith and Discipline/Love

Hi.. I'm an adult PK (pastor's kid).  I was raised with very strong (abusive) discipline, something that I'm just now understanding as abuse (nearly 50!).  The discipline was to "teach me right/wrong".  I've spent a lot of my life trying to be perfect (for approval from parents/God), and failing miserably (no approval), so also live with a lot of guilt/shame. I've been married 4 times (going through another separation/divorce presently) and each marriage has been narcissistic in one form or another.   I'm currently doing the emotional literacy course, but I'm also wondering if there is any course or information out there for healing from cult like childhoods?  Please note that I still have faith and still believe in God - I just want to clear my head/heart of things not true.

oh goodness dear, have you seen a therapist who specializes or at least can treat narcissistic relationship problems?  I'm Christian and if you're a nice person narcs are attracted to nice people so they can use to suit their own sick needs.  God wants you to realize it is through Faith, NOT WORKS that you are saved.  If it was through works then Jesus would not have needed to have died for  us.  My prayers are with you and am hoping he leads you to the right therapist who can help you iron some of this stuff out.