Home
The day we celebrate that we need to fix ourselves because no psychologist can..........
Pia Mellody "discovered" codependency in 1977. More than forty years later no attention is paid to this. Codependency is possibly the most groundbreaking "discovery" in psychology, not just affecting "individuals" but society in general.
Thanks to Richard, possibly the most important discovery in the history of humanity, reaches our homes. Otherwise, we'll all be dead (or in very bad living conditions), including myself.
After reading Pia's book again, I'm discovering new gems. It's true that after some time you read it again and you discover new meanings. It's amazing.
She realised that talking to other psychologists was leading her nowhere. They speak another language. The only people she had some communication with was other people with the same illness. Isn't it amazing? This puzzles me so much. More than forty years later, this truth remains. The people that has helped me the most has been Richard, Pia, Pete. It doesn't sound like a coincidence to me, that all of them were also victims of a dysfunctional home?
Why this groundbreaking milestone keeps hidden? Well, I have several hypothesis.......
1. Blaming the community of psychologists. Yes, I know. We are all angry at them for not helping us. However, I don't think they are the only ones to blame in this story. This would lead to a polarised thinking. Polarisation is non productive thinking. We should avoid it at all costs. 100% times you fall into a polarised thinking, you need to rethink again because you must be missing parts of the puzzle. Also, when polarising there are always winners and losers. When there are winners and losers, there's 99.99% probabilities there's some kind of manipulation working behind the scenes (some people pushing for some interests). They sure are to blame for this, but the story is more complex.
2. Many other interests pushing towards the opposite direction. Psychologists, psychiatrists, the Pharma industry, and others involved in some way in this industry will lose if we can fix all mental health issues of the world. This may sound too cruel, but again, this is more complex than a bunch of evil guys pushing into that direction. I've seen so many good professionals who really believe what they learn works. They even try it with themselves. Many of them even die. Some guys are really bad guys, others, many others into the professional field are victims just like us.
3. Psychopaths, NPD and the like, keep pushing into this direction. This happens every day, 24/7 in all parts of the worlds. They work hard to deviate our attention in some way. I'll be straight forward with a real example.
I was having dinner with police officers. It was a friendly dinner after a short training of few days. No, I don't work for the police. This was a course of interest for people working in the security field. Ok, so after the course, many people could attend dinner to meet each other. I decided to attend, despite I don't feel completely confortable still meeting new people. I was on my own and most of people went in groups.
There I was trying to start a conversation in a big table of 8 people. I introduced myself. They also introduced themselves. All police officers around 50 yo, and 3 young men. The later were studying to become police officers, they just finished university. After warming up for a while, the conversation was getting more and more relaxed. We were reluctant to share many things about ourselves, obviously, people working in security are very careful sharing anything, they prefer to stay quiet all the time for security reasons, or to talk about the most stupid thing on Earth just to talk about something.
The young man next to me kept asking me questions, I struggled to answer without compromising myself, as I had to be extremely careful with the information I was providing. He seemed so interested in my field. Next to him it was a police officer. The first impression I had was bad. His eyes gave me a bad feeling, like he was really evil. I decided to postpone my feelings not to ruin the dinner. It turns out that I was right about this person.
At some point this young man revealed that he is psychologist. I suddenly froze. This changed everything. I've never been in a situation like this before. Very naively I started talking about my point of view. I thought that if I was right about this, if this was a good thing, he would be happy about it! How naive and wrong I was. He already made a whole castle of theories in his head about what it works and what doesn't. Then I was right there, in front of him, right after he finished a four year degree, telling him he was completely wrong. He refused to believe me - "come on, that's impossible"
- he said. "it works, look, on the internet there are thousands of people confirming this works.....". He really seemed like a good guy, willing to help and willing to find a solution to help people.
This is how both worlds clash. I haven't studied the degree on psychology myself, but I wonder why 99.9% of people get it so wrong. When they are faced with the reality they are in disbelief.
The second part is even better. When I mentioned that many people were really innocent but convicted because they were into a lot of mental health issues, and this could be the cure for most of them, guess what the police officer said. He said "but they need to comply with the law". Take a moment to think again about this sentence. It's loaded with evil bullets. The police officer suddenly made me look like I didn't want criminals to comply with the law, when what I was really saying is that most of this work is preventive and better measures can also be taken when someone is convicted if their mental health problems are properly addressed..........
He also tried to polarised the conversation and make quick rapport with me with the super famous sentence "but those individuals are not like you and me". This raised all my red flags. I've only heard this sentence from NPD, psychopaths, etc. This was yet another bullet trying to dismantle my thoughts, in a very subtle way, very friendly, he looked like my friend, right?
As I kept fighting back his nice arguments, he seemed deeply frustrated at the end of the conversation. He tried very hard all his tricks to make me go in the direction he wanted. He wanted to polarise my thoughts, and of course, he wanted me to feel like punishing criminals was not the right thing, or too soft.
The young psychologist flew away from the table as he couldn't cope with such things coming out from my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the police officer is one of them (NPD, psychopaths, etc). As he was not happy with how things turned out at dinner, he did something else.
Next day, the last day of the course. An important person among police officers, the second most important in the class, gave me a weird look while he was talking to someone else. The guy with NPD obviously talked to him and told him whatever, who knows, but something bad about me. As I didn't know what this guy told him, and this guy worked for the police for many years, I felt powerless and I left the course earlier as I didn't feel welcome anymore.
End of the story: I didn't achieve anything, maybe we need a new approach, also subtle and clever like NPD individuals have? What about the reality we may need to swallow about this: we can only fix ourselves so maybe fighting in the front lines (yet) is a lost battle?
I can't believe it yet how these individuals deviate us from the right direction (it's hard to accept). They all do it, they all say the same things, all over the world. Maybe a new approach is putting together all the ways they use to achieve their purpose so we can better fight back when they subtly throw their (evil) bullets?
All I know is that we can't leave all the responsibility to people in the high spheres. It's cool and necessary to have them, but we also need a bottom-up approach to fight against these individuals. For any occasion we face we need to act. These small acts count, and that's why I need to feel I'm not alone, that there are more Spartans in the world trying to fight back. I can't do this on my own (neither could they do it on their own either).
Have a nice World Mental Health Day!
PS. I tried to make the post shorter but I couldn't make it this time. Sorry about that.
Pia Mellody "discovered" codependency in 1977. More than forty years later no attention is paid to this. Codependency is possibly the most groundbreaking "discovery" in psychology, not just affecting "individuals" but society in general.
Thanks to Richard, possibly the most important discovery in the history of humanity, reaches our homes. Otherwise, we'll all be dead (or in very bad living conditions), including myself.
After reading Pia's book again, I'm discovering new gems. It's true that after some time you read it again and you discover new meanings. It's amazing.
She realised that talking to other psychologists was leading her nowhere. They speak another language. The only people she had some communication with was other people with the same illness. Isn't it amazing? This puzzles me so much. More than forty years later, this truth remains. The people that has helped me the most has been Richard, Pia, Pete. It doesn't sound like a coincidence to me, that all of them were also victims of a dysfunctional home?
Why this groundbreaking milestone keeps hidden? Well, I have several hypothesis.......
1. Blaming the community of psychologists. Yes, I know. We are all angry at them for not helping us. However, I don't think they are the only ones to blame in this story. This would lead to a polarised thinking. Polarisation is non productive thinking. We should avoid it at all costs. 100% times you fall into a polarised thinking, you need to rethink again because you must be missing parts of the puzzle. Also, when polarising there are always winners and losers. When there are winners and losers, there's 99.99% probabilities there's some kind of manipulation working behind the scenes (some people pushing for some interests). They sure are to blame for this, but the story is more complex.
2. Many other interests pushing towards the opposite direction. Psychologists, psychiatrists, the Pharma industry, and others involved in some way in this industry will lose if we can fix all mental health issues of the world. This may sound too cruel, but again, this is more complex than a bunch of evil guys pushing into that direction. I've seen so many good professionals who really believe what they learn works. They even try it with themselves. Many of them even die. Some guys are really bad guys, others, many others into the professional field are victims just like us.
3. Psychopaths, NPD and the like, keep pushing into this direction. This happens every day, 24/7 in all parts of the worlds. They work hard to deviate our attention in some way. I'll be straight forward with a real example.
I was having dinner with police officers. It was a friendly dinner after a short training of few days. No, I don't work for the police. This was a course of interest for people working in the security field. Ok, so after the course, many people could attend dinner to meet each other. I decided to attend, despite I don't feel completely confortable still meeting new people. I was on my own and most of people went in groups.
There I was trying to start a conversation in a big table of 8 people. I introduced myself. They also introduced themselves. All police officers around 50 yo, and 3 young men. The later were studying to become police officers, they just finished university. After warming up for a while, the conversation was getting more and more relaxed. We were reluctant to share many things about ourselves, obviously, people working in security are very careful sharing anything, they prefer to stay quiet all the time for security reasons, or to talk about the most stupid thing on Earth just to talk about something.
The young man next to me kept asking me questions, I struggled to answer without compromising myself, as I had to be extremely careful with the information I was providing. He seemed so interested in my field. Next to him it was a police officer. The first impression I had was bad. His eyes gave me a bad feeling, like he was really evil. I decided to postpone my feelings not to ruin the dinner. It turns out that I was right about this person.
At some point this young man revealed that he is psychologist. I suddenly froze. This changed everything. I've never been in a situation like this before. Very naively I started talking about my point of view. I thought that if I was right about this, if this was a good thing, he would be happy about it! How naive and wrong I was. He already made a whole castle of theories in his head about what it works and what doesn't. Then I was right there, in front of him, right after he finished a four year degree, telling him he was completely wrong. He refused to believe me - "come on, that's impossible"
- he said. "it works, look, on the internet there are thousands of people confirming this works.....". He really seemed like a good guy, willing to help and willing to find a solution to help people. This is how both worlds clash. I haven't studied the degree on psychology myself, but I wonder why 99.9% of people get it so wrong. When they are faced with the reality they are in disbelief.
The second part is even better. When I mentioned that many people were really innocent but convicted because they were into a lot of mental health issues, and this could be the cure for most of them, guess what the police officer said. He said "but they need to comply with the law". Take a moment to think again about this sentence. It's loaded with evil bullets. The police officer suddenly made me look like I didn't want criminals to comply with the law, when what I was really saying is that most of this work is preventive and better measures can also be taken when someone is convicted if their mental health problems are properly addressed..........
He also tried to polarised the conversation and make quick rapport with me with the super famous sentence "but those individuals are not like you and me". This raised all my red flags. I've only heard this sentence from NPD, psychopaths, etc. This was yet another bullet trying to dismantle my thoughts, in a very subtle way, very friendly, he looked like my friend, right?
As I kept fighting back his nice arguments, he seemed deeply frustrated at the end of the conversation. He tried very hard all his tricks to make me go in the direction he wanted. He wanted to polarise my thoughts, and of course, he wanted me to feel like punishing criminals was not the right thing, or too soft.
The young psychologist flew away from the table as he couldn't cope with such things coming out from my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the police officer is one of them (NPD, psychopaths, etc). As he was not happy with how things turned out at dinner, he did something else.
Next day, the last day of the course. An important person among police officers, the second most important in the class, gave me a weird look while he was talking to someone else. The guy with NPD obviously talked to him and told him whatever, who knows, but something bad about me. As I didn't know what this guy told him, and this guy worked for the police for many years, I felt powerless and I left the course earlier as I didn't feel welcome anymore.
End of the story: I didn't achieve anything, maybe we need a new approach, also subtle and clever like NPD individuals have? What about the reality we may need to swallow about this: we can only fix ourselves so maybe fighting in the front lines (yet) is a lost battle?
I can't believe it yet how these individuals deviate us from the right direction (it's hard to accept). They all do it, they all say the same things, all over the world. Maybe a new approach is putting together all the ways they use to achieve their purpose so we can better fight back when they subtly throw their (evil) bullets?
All I know is that we can't leave all the responsibility to people in the high spheres. It's cool and necessary to have them, but we also need a bottom-up approach to fight against these individuals. For any occasion we face we need to act. These small acts count, and that's why I need to feel I'm not alone, that there are more Spartans in the world trying to fight back. I can't do this on my own (neither could they do it on their own either).
Have a nice World Mental Health Day!
PS. I tried to make the post shorter but I couldn't make it this time. Sorry about that.
