Just an update here.
I decided that I wanted to help my sister some time ago. I just didn't know how I could accomplish this.
The fact that she moved away from us when she met a covert NPD (very dangerous guy...) made things very difficult. She was isolated from the world. All her friends were under his control. Days went by and she did not have communication with the rest of the family.
I decided that at some point I needed to move over where she was living. This is when things get more difficult. I needed a remote job, since there were not many jobs in that part of Spain. I found myself begging for a job from time to time with little results.
This is all a true story. So here it goes.
I decided to analyse what type of jobs I liked better and were more in line with my current professional experience. After I chose my next professional target, I decided to try to put all my effort in that area.
I found myself quite exhausted at times and not really enjoying the things I started to learn. However, life came to me with a different opportunity to work remotely, but I actually had to quit my professional path. It was a difficult decision, but I thought I could figure out things eventually and come back to my previous position if I ever wanted.
It was very difficult for me to make the decision to move where she lives. First, I loved the city where I lived for several reasons. It took me around a year to sink in the idea that I had to move where she lived. Second, I didn't know how to approach the relationship with my sister. Any time I tried to help her it looked like I made it even worse.
I decided to travel to see in person who I consider the biggest expert in psychopathy in the country. I spent 400 euros in paying the time I spent with him, the flight, and one night in the city. He seems to know quite a lot about psychopathy, but he fails to communicate what he knows in so many ways it is quite disappointing and traumatising.
If you remove the 90% of the conversation which was quite arrogant and traumatising, there is something he said it was really helpful in the remaining 10%. He said I could move with my sister and just go shopping, do things together, etc ..... I was quite shocked about this approach. This was so clever yet never thought about it before because it is contra intuitive. If you want to help someone, what do you do? You tell that person about the dangers, right? Well, with people in a "relationship" with someone with NPD it doesn't work.
I have read later on that this is also the way to get people out of a cult. If you search about Scientology and how people get out of there, when the family wants to help some relative, they need to be very patient and do just the opposite what you feel to do. In the sense, if you want to help, you need to do nothing, just standing by her/him and pretend everything is ok, even if you see some horrible things. You can tell the truth though, but in a way that is not either sugar coated neither direct against the cult, or the narc. This requires some practice. I have devoted quite a lot of my time to practice this, but honestly, it just takes so much effort ..
The secret seems to rely in the fact that the person that is part of a cult, or in a relationship with someone with NPD is not having a good time, but feels isolated and is scared in so many ways. A relative just next to that person without trying to force anything (even if you see things that are really scary!) and you remain calm and next that person, that person will start feeling the confidence to start making new questions, but they need to come from the person involved, not someone else.
Summarising, if you want to help someone to get out from a manipulative relationship, the best thing to do seems to show her/him that you are on their side. Just that. Be there and be ready for the moment when they will ask you for help. They will. My sister lived for 10 years with a covert and very dangerous guy. I was quite pessimistic about her situation. However, just after a couple of weeks of moving to where she lived, she started asking questions by herself. I was so in shocked it worked so quickly.. I wish I knew before this was the way to help others to scape from people in manipulative relationships. It turns out she was really tired about the whole thing too, but she couldn't find the financial and personal support she needed.
I have to work really hard on my patience and the "instinct" to try to tell her what I know about psychopaths, C-PTSD, etc. She entered in my room once and saw all my books about psychopathy and Pia Melody, etc and I could see it caused a feeling of rejection on her.
She still denies that she is mentally ill or that she was with a very dangerous person. I am not quite sure how to move from here. Maybe just waiting a little bit more next to her and see how things work.
She is not now with this guy, but not so much because of her, but because he dumped her. He knows I know about psychopathy. He tried to play on me and her but it didn't work. The trick is that he was looking for some reaction from me, but since I am now 120% alert about his manipulative tricks, he couldn't achieve his purpose. He probably gave up on her because he cannot control the whole situation any more.
My life is like a movie in so many ways. When people tell me, including this psychologist "just get on with your life, find friends, etc" What are they talking about? This is what I am trying to do all the time, unsuccessfully because of so many people with NPD next to me for some reason or another.