Home
Hi Just introducing myself. Im not really a social savvy animal sorry. But thought I would be counted and stand with you. We never know where our influence ends and as I have gained so much I will offer something in to see if it resonates of aids.
I have had to cope with what the maternity suit handed me. The poverty and parents legitimate own human needs taking priority was one thing to handle yet the inflicted lack of: respect, justice and protection was quite something else. I am wearing a t shirt today with my icon on it: Bruce Lee: the quote reads - 'do not prey for an easy prey for the strength to endure a difficult one'
My fact is for me alas that some people have it easier than others in life eh. I had a painful awakening last June which humbled me to have to change. I was massively triggered by a work situation similar to the family situations I grew up with, followed by appalling mistreatment by my sisters splitting and drama triangles to control me and keep me the truth seeker/empath/scapegoat in my place.
Too many toxic trips of abandonment and harm in my life to even want to air. I am of course someone who was driven towards the service of others for a living and care taking of course. Offering the voice and the healing I have denied myself. I have done a lot of work on my CPTSD since last June and know it is likely to be a constant at some level as I am now in my 50s. I have suffered to try solving the problem and suffered in not solving the problem.... so its been a lot of suffering this year. I still love my abusers deeply so I am conflicted most days. Yet I now feel in charge of me what Richard calls Sovereign self I believe.
The most frustration and sadness at this stage is me being mad with me for so long I have been Stockholmed and locked into replicating the same trauma over and over. Being a functioning over achiever though I collected family of choice and life long friends and some family along the way who have my back and I know I am loved and feel loveable. I have such respect for my husband of 30 years who sees the risk averse scared to death child in the otherwise relatively successful outwardly presenting strong woman and he has offered me a secure base to try to feel safe.
Richards resources make me laugh out loud, cry big blobs of tears and really connected with me in more meaningful ways than other support or self help has achieved. I think its the adult to adult social education approach and his authentic invested presenting style which makes this digestible for me. I feel understood. What ever it is 'it has worked'. When I hear people saying 'Richard saved my life' I think yes I get that. I think this work Richard commits himself to is not 'something he 'does' its 'something he 'is'. He 'lives' it. He is I think like the rest of us and 'wears it' and 'bears it' giving others permission to wear it and bear it too.
Richards often says things like 'there is no magic bullet' 'no one gives a s***' no one is coming to your rescue. That harsh truth bomb has been transmitted by stealth to me. A case of 'when the pupil is ready the tutor will emerge' perhaps? I was ready last June. I have since re-read 'Comes the Dawn'; that wonderful poem I have read so many years ago and I now experience it so differently and deeply. The line that says 'love is holding a hand not chaining a soul' still has the power to evoke tears no matter how many times I read it.
As a result of using journalling of my triggered times I have been inspired in another work direction so 'out of my crises has come much opportunity'. I truly wish everyone who has connected can have as safe as is possible journey through their own unique stories and find ways to keep their narcs sleeping while you have the chance to recover.
I have had to cope with what the maternity suit handed me. The poverty and parents legitimate own human needs taking priority was one thing to handle yet the inflicted lack of: respect, justice and protection was quite something else. I am wearing a t shirt today with my icon on it: Bruce Lee: the quote reads - 'do not prey for an easy prey for the strength to endure a difficult one'
My fact is for me alas that some people have it easier than others in life eh. I had a painful awakening last June which humbled me to have to change. I was massively triggered by a work situation similar to the family situations I grew up with, followed by appalling mistreatment by my sisters splitting and drama triangles to control me and keep me the truth seeker/empath/scapegoat in my place.
Too many toxic trips of abandonment and harm in my life to even want to air. I am of course someone who was driven towards the service of others for a living and care taking of course. Offering the voice and the healing I have denied myself. I have done a lot of work on my CPTSD since last June and know it is likely to be a constant at some level as I am now in my 50s. I have suffered to try solving the problem and suffered in not solving the problem.... so its been a lot of suffering this year. I still love my abusers deeply so I am conflicted most days. Yet I now feel in charge of me what Richard calls Sovereign self I believe.
The most frustration and sadness at this stage is me being mad with me for so long I have been Stockholmed and locked into replicating the same trauma over and over. Being a functioning over achiever though I collected family of choice and life long friends and some family along the way who have my back and I know I am loved and feel loveable. I have such respect for my husband of 30 years who sees the risk averse scared to death child in the otherwise relatively successful outwardly presenting strong woman and he has offered me a secure base to try to feel safe.
Richards resources make me laugh out loud, cry big blobs of tears and really connected with me in more meaningful ways than other support or self help has achieved. I think its the adult to adult social education approach and his authentic invested presenting style which makes this digestible for me. I feel understood. What ever it is 'it has worked'. When I hear people saying 'Richard saved my life' I think yes I get that. I think this work Richard commits himself to is not 'something he 'does' its 'something he 'is'. He 'lives' it. He is I think like the rest of us and 'wears it' and 'bears it' giving others permission to wear it and bear it too.
Richards often says things like 'there is no magic bullet' 'no one gives a s***' no one is coming to your rescue. That harsh truth bomb has been transmitted by stealth to me. A case of 'when the pupil is ready the tutor will emerge' perhaps? I was ready last June. I have since re-read 'Comes the Dawn'; that wonderful poem I have read so many years ago and I now experience it so differently and deeply. The line that says 'love is holding a hand not chaining a soul' still has the power to evoke tears no matter how many times I read it.
As a result of using journalling of my triggered times I have been inspired in another work direction so 'out of my crises has come much opportunity'. I truly wish everyone who has connected can have as safe as is possible journey through their own unique stories and find ways to keep their narcs sleeping while you have the chance to recover.
