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Hi Richard - not used to posting on forums so apologies if this is in the wrong place.
There is a situation that I am still trying to make sense of which I would appreciate some insight into. A few months ago my daughter (16yrs) had gone out to a friends house to a party and we had arranged that I pick her up sometime between 12 & 12.30 and she would text to confirm time. At 12.25 I texted her, as I hadn’t heard anything and she then phoned and asked whether it was ok to stay the night. I was unsure as to what to say but weighing it up in my mind (cross at being put on the spot, cross at staying up for nothing, cross that she hadn’t texted, but getting that she was having a good time, she was in a safe place where I knew parents) so I said, yes ok.
When I came off the phone by husband who had overheard some of the conversation walked past me and said “ Arh..has she let you down” (slightly over sympathetic voice.) Well that was it… ignition.. I was then completely confused as to whether I had handled things correctly, furious with her for putting me in the situation, furious with myself for being furious and handling the situation badly and feeling guilty because I had been the one to say yes to the party, organise pick up, which had all disintegrated etc,. When I say furious, this was all in my head and I actually said to him that it was ok. The next day when she came back we had a row about the situation (my husband did not take part but listened - his daughter too) It all sat quite uncomfortably for the rest of the day and the following day I apologised to her for over-reacting and we had a proper chat about it, like we would normally.
Many years ago my husband was witness to my mother and I having a somewhat heated discussion, in which she said that I was a disappointment as a child. So is this an example of keeping information and using it to trigger a response in a triangulation sort of way for narcissistic supply? As I type this I am remembering a time when he once said to my son, after witnessing someone behave in way that was not appropriate to the situation, “take that information and wrap it round your head and use it at a later date.” At the time I was bewildered & shocked by that statement, now I wonder whether it all starts to make sense…..
A huge thank you for all the work you do.
There is a situation that I am still trying to make sense of which I would appreciate some insight into. A few months ago my daughter (16yrs) had gone out to a friends house to a party and we had arranged that I pick her up sometime between 12 & 12.30 and she would text to confirm time. At 12.25 I texted her, as I hadn’t heard anything and she then phoned and asked whether it was ok to stay the night. I was unsure as to what to say but weighing it up in my mind (cross at being put on the spot, cross at staying up for nothing, cross that she hadn’t texted, but getting that she was having a good time, she was in a safe place where I knew parents) so I said, yes ok.
When I came off the phone by husband who had overheard some of the conversation walked past me and said “ Arh..has she let you down” (slightly over sympathetic voice.) Well that was it… ignition.. I was then completely confused as to whether I had handled things correctly, furious with her for putting me in the situation, furious with myself for being furious and handling the situation badly and feeling guilty because I had been the one to say yes to the party, organise pick up, which had all disintegrated etc,. When I say furious, this was all in my head and I actually said to him that it was ok. The next day when she came back we had a row about the situation (my husband did not take part but listened - his daughter too) It all sat quite uncomfortably for the rest of the day and the following day I apologised to her for over-reacting and we had a proper chat about it, like we would normally.
Many years ago my husband was witness to my mother and I having a somewhat heated discussion, in which she said that I was a disappointment as a child. So is this an example of keeping information and using it to trigger a response in a triangulation sort of way for narcissistic supply? As I type this I am remembering a time when he once said to my son, after witnessing someone behave in way that was not appropriate to the situation, “take that information and wrap it round your head and use it at a later date.” At the time I was bewildered & shocked by that statement, now I wonder whether it all starts to make sense…..
A huge thank you for all the work you do.
