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I quit my job last year because of an asshole co-worker that I saw no way of dealing with other than violence... it was a living hell. I was being Gas lit, lots of ambient narcissistic abuse. ETC....
For the past 4 months Ive been working part time at a job that I actually kind of enjoy and of course there is this fat, smart mouth asshole there who always has an observation and comment to make about anyone who crosses his path... Ive found my self at the butt end of his "jokes" on a regular basis. I try to roll with the punches and laugh it off usually, because with these types of assholes who disguise personal slights and attacks as "jokes" will keep hammering you if they notice that something they said has gotten under your skin.
Today I put my foot down and asserted myself and told him in no uncertain terms that I would no longer tolerate his bullshit and I demand to be treated with the same respect that I treat him and all of my co-workers with. Actually what I said was profanity laced and emotionally charged and included a physical challenge if he should decided to resume his noxious communication.
I was proud of myself that I am finally able to "tell people off" and not feel guilty about it or have any regret about what I said. Im not his personally punching bag and I refuse to continue to swallow my hurt / anger at the expense of my own emotional well being just so that I don't "make a scene" and cause everyone to feel uncomfortable by my display of unbridled assertiveness.
I was very angry but at the same time very calm. I didn't get that "frog" in my throat like I usually have in the past when confronted with the choice to speak up / stand up for myself. I wasn't afraid that I would loose control of myself and fly into a rage of spitting and fist throwing as I usually am... which is the main reason I don't verbally assert myself most times is because Im afraid that Ill actually seriously physically hurt someone.
In future situations I have to learn to be more calm and use less profanity and not use thinly veiled physical threats to get my point across, I guess Ill let the situation decided my action.... This particular person wouldn't have responded to something as benign as "please don't speak to my that way anymore". You have to be crude with crude people... its the only tone they understand.
The best part is... that I felt absolutely justyfied in what I did. I didn't feel any regret or guilt or second guess myself about if I had used language that was too strong. I felt no shame in displaying my "ugly" side in front of my other co-workers, I didn't beat myself up for having "gone to that dark angry place that I dread going" to stand up for my rights as a human being to be talked to and treated like a human being.
I felt like he absolutely deserved everything thing I threw at him plus more that I didn't and I knew that I got my point across that I'm not to be fucked with from here on out and if he dare step over that line (boundary) He'll be made to look like a fool and embarrassed AGAIN.
This is a new day for me... With the help of Richard's Youtube videos and Sam Vaknins Book and both Pete Walker Books plush other books Ive been reading and other "work" I've been doing setting boundaries with Family members and setting boundaries with myself. I know that I am at a higher level of healing than I was even 6 months ago. Ive been following Richard for 2 years now.
Advice to anyone else out there going through a similar situation.... The fear is all inside you, the fear is not the external party that is causing you the anguish. The fear stems from an injunction that was placed in your head as a child to always be nice to people and respectful. Richard mentioned before that having been raised with manners and a sense of right and wrong can actually be a disadvantage in todays world where everyone is looking out for themselves and looking for what they can "get" from you.
Asshole like this get their supply by subtle putdowns disguised as jokes... they feel superior when they can figure out how to push your buttons.... these jack offs have personal deficits that they need to constantly sooth by making others feel bad in even the slightest way.
For the past 4 months Ive been working part time at a job that I actually kind of enjoy and of course there is this fat, smart mouth asshole there who always has an observation and comment to make about anyone who crosses his path... Ive found my self at the butt end of his "jokes" on a regular basis. I try to roll with the punches and laugh it off usually, because with these types of assholes who disguise personal slights and attacks as "jokes" will keep hammering you if they notice that something they said has gotten under your skin.
Today I put my foot down and asserted myself and told him in no uncertain terms that I would no longer tolerate his bullshit and I demand to be treated with the same respect that I treat him and all of my co-workers with. Actually what I said was profanity laced and emotionally charged and included a physical challenge if he should decided to resume his noxious communication.
I was proud of myself that I am finally able to "tell people off" and not feel guilty about it or have any regret about what I said. Im not his personally punching bag and I refuse to continue to swallow my hurt / anger at the expense of my own emotional well being just so that I don't "make a scene" and cause everyone to feel uncomfortable by my display of unbridled assertiveness.
I was very angry but at the same time very calm. I didn't get that "frog" in my throat like I usually have in the past when confronted with the choice to speak up / stand up for myself. I wasn't afraid that I would loose control of myself and fly into a rage of spitting and fist throwing as I usually am... which is the main reason I don't verbally assert myself most times is because Im afraid that Ill actually seriously physically hurt someone.
In future situations I have to learn to be more calm and use less profanity and not use thinly veiled physical threats to get my point across, I guess Ill let the situation decided my action.... This particular person wouldn't have responded to something as benign as "please don't speak to my that way anymore". You have to be crude with crude people... its the only tone they understand.
The best part is... that I felt absolutely justyfied in what I did. I didn't feel any regret or guilt or second guess myself about if I had used language that was too strong. I felt no shame in displaying my "ugly" side in front of my other co-workers, I didn't beat myself up for having "gone to that dark angry place that I dread going" to stand up for my rights as a human being to be talked to and treated like a human being.
I felt like he absolutely deserved everything thing I threw at him plus more that I didn't and I knew that I got my point across that I'm not to be fucked with from here on out and if he dare step over that line (boundary) He'll be made to look like a fool and embarrassed AGAIN.
This is a new day for me... With the help of Richard's Youtube videos and Sam Vaknins Book and both Pete Walker Books plush other books Ive been reading and other "work" I've been doing setting boundaries with Family members and setting boundaries with myself. I know that I am at a higher level of healing than I was even 6 months ago. Ive been following Richard for 2 years now.
Advice to anyone else out there going through a similar situation.... The fear is all inside you, the fear is not the external party that is causing you the anguish. The fear stems from an injunction that was placed in your head as a child to always be nice to people and respectful. Richard mentioned before that having been raised with manners and a sense of right and wrong can actually be a disadvantage in todays world where everyone is looking out for themselves and looking for what they can "get" from you.
Asshole like this get their supply by subtle putdowns disguised as jokes... they feel superior when they can figure out how to push your buttons.... these jack offs have personal deficits that they need to constantly sooth by making others feel bad in even the slightest way.
