Home
I stumbled on your youtube videos and found them refreshing. Missing was a common assault in so many. The "the narcissist in your life was a 'wounded child', at least in the youtube videos I watched.
I dismiss any therapist that tries to somehow get the target (I hate the word victim) of one of these vile creatures to "understand" that they were also wounded as a child so therefore this weird concept of hurt people hurt people is pushed. No, no they really don't. Sure there my be some tools we never got, key developmental stages we missed as we were simply trying to survive, but most of us do NOT pass that horror or perpetrate that travesty on others. They're not monsters as monsters are created to be, well, monsters. They are evil because they're supposed to be, hence the name. These special snowflakes are different. They KNOW they inflict pain. You can see it in their smile. They load off it. Monster gives them a cop out. This is something very different. A driving need to feed. A hunger for things they can never possess or enjoy because they lack the humanity to feel. They're evil but not in the classic opposite of good. Their evil is nothingness. Behind that mask is a black void. It's a hole they can't fill so need you to keep the hole at bay. They can sense your ability to love, care, hurt for yourself and others. They can smell it and almost taste it but can never feel full when they feed. They lack the ability to digest and gain nutrients off it as their systems won't recognize it.
Long term doesn't matter as they can feed from you whenever they want when you are a child. You have no resources, allies, respite, safe place. They have the power and control over your very existence and that is NEVER allowed to be forgotten. HOWEVER, they know something you don't, or at least don't recognize yet. Their time with you as an all you can eat buffet is limited. Every day you're getting closer to "the reckoning". That moment you realize what they are and have to means to leave them to starve. They simply cannot allow that to happen. Enter the perpetual childhood. My mother bought be a twin white canopy bed with gold leaf that is appropriate for a 5 year old when I was 18 and moved out , much to her horror, but she solved that by getting 20 keys made to my apartment which became really just an extension of her house. She would walk in without knocking, without calling, when I was home, when I wasn't and move things around, go through my things calling me a slut and a whore if there was anything that indicated I had a boy friend.
I had no siblings for her to play golden child/black sheep games with so she created a false self for me to compete with to go along with her false self, the perfect mother. It was these unrealistic, never could be achieved new and improved me and the real one was devalued, banished, punished for not ever being good enough. She wouldn't need to face the severely lacking parental skills because she could never be that mother as I was never that daughter. As I got older and made friends they would also be added to this wonderful reindeer game. Why can't you be more like "Suzy". Well, because I like myself too much and don't feel like the debutante is the roll I'm aiming for. Punished for that and any fight I gave but I never stopped fighting.
As an adult that created it's own issues as now ANY authority was the enemy. Even authority that wasn't toxic or dangerous. Neutral authority, even good, was a call to arms with all the weapons I had added to my arsenal year after year, painstakingly. The sea of rage in a perpetual storm was roiling right beneath the surface.
I really wonder if anyone, regardless of what alphabet soup they have after their name, can be a source for healing. Maybe to help build skills or try to learn the key developmental steps we were robbed of, but just as so many murders go unsolved, these soul homicides don't really get the focus or study they should. To make matters even worse Narcissism is the new black. It's in, it's trending, it's freaking everywhere...and nowhere. The most overused word in the English language right now. EVERYONE is a narcissist. Someone pisses you off, they're a narcissist. Some partner doesn't feel your pain, is careless and self involved, of course...he/she is a narcissist. Boss not warm and fuzzy? You guessed it. Makes me crazy. It's like telling a rape victim, yeah, had that fun experience as well and mommie dearest swooped in and tried to clean the apartment as the cops were trying to collect evidence, that the boy that kissed you and ran in the third grade was also a rapist. STOP DEVALUING THE TERM.
Phew. This may never be read but it feels great to get it out there and know there is a resource that understands.
I dismiss any therapist that tries to somehow get the target (I hate the word victim) of one of these vile creatures to "understand" that they were also wounded as a child so therefore this weird concept of hurt people hurt people is pushed. No, no they really don't. Sure there my be some tools we never got, key developmental stages we missed as we were simply trying to survive, but most of us do NOT pass that horror or perpetrate that travesty on others. They're not monsters as monsters are created to be, well, monsters. They are evil because they're supposed to be, hence the name. These special snowflakes are different. They KNOW they inflict pain. You can see it in their smile. They load off it. Monster gives them a cop out. This is something very different. A driving need to feed. A hunger for things they can never possess or enjoy because they lack the humanity to feel. They're evil but not in the classic opposite of good. Their evil is nothingness. Behind that mask is a black void. It's a hole they can't fill so need you to keep the hole at bay. They can sense your ability to love, care, hurt for yourself and others. They can smell it and almost taste it but can never feel full when they feed. They lack the ability to digest and gain nutrients off it as their systems won't recognize it.
Long term doesn't matter as they can feed from you whenever they want when you are a child. You have no resources, allies, respite, safe place. They have the power and control over your very existence and that is NEVER allowed to be forgotten. HOWEVER, they know something you don't, or at least don't recognize yet. Their time with you as an all you can eat buffet is limited. Every day you're getting closer to "the reckoning". That moment you realize what they are and have to means to leave them to starve. They simply cannot allow that to happen. Enter the perpetual childhood. My mother bought be a twin white canopy bed with gold leaf that is appropriate for a 5 year old when I was 18 and moved out , much to her horror, but she solved that by getting 20 keys made to my apartment which became really just an extension of her house. She would walk in without knocking, without calling, when I was home, when I wasn't and move things around, go through my things calling me a slut and a whore if there was anything that indicated I had a boy friend.
I had no siblings for her to play golden child/black sheep games with so she created a false self for me to compete with to go along with her false self, the perfect mother. It was these unrealistic, never could be achieved new and improved me and the real one was devalued, banished, punished for not ever being good enough. She wouldn't need to face the severely lacking parental skills because she could never be that mother as I was never that daughter. As I got older and made friends they would also be added to this wonderful reindeer game. Why can't you be more like "Suzy". Well, because I like myself too much and don't feel like the debutante is the roll I'm aiming for. Punished for that and any fight I gave but I never stopped fighting.
As an adult that created it's own issues as now ANY authority was the enemy. Even authority that wasn't toxic or dangerous. Neutral authority, even good, was a call to arms with all the weapons I had added to my arsenal year after year, painstakingly. The sea of rage in a perpetual storm was roiling right beneath the surface.
I really wonder if anyone, regardless of what alphabet soup they have after their name, can be a source for healing. Maybe to help build skills or try to learn the key developmental steps we were robbed of, but just as so many murders go unsolved, these soul homicides don't really get the focus or study they should. To make matters even worse Narcissism is the new black. It's in, it's trending, it's freaking everywhere...and nowhere. The most overused word in the English language right now. EVERYONE is a narcissist. Someone pisses you off, they're a narcissist. Some partner doesn't feel your pain, is careless and self involved, of course...he/she is a narcissist. Boss not warm and fuzzy? You guessed it. Makes me crazy. It's like telling a rape victim, yeah, had that fun experience as well and mommie dearest swooped in and tried to clean the apartment as the cops were trying to collect evidence, that the boy that kissed you and ran in the third grade was also a rapist. STOP DEVALUING THE TERM.
Phew. This may never be read but it feels great to get it out there and know there is a resource that understands.
