Home
My earlier post: Fri Jul 08, 2016 6:59 pm
by cjames View latest post
The help I need is with my son. He is 16 years old. He went with her back to the States. Her I can "no contact" easily enough but I want my son in my life somewhere.
Here is one of the problems: his mother has her hooks into him deep. As an example, about 2 years ago here in Costa Rica, he had been going to a private School and would get home about 3 in the afternoon. One day he calls me worried because she/mom/it was not there. The first time it happened and he was a little freaked out. So I talked to him and calmed him for maybe 5 minutes when she walks in. She had been to the Grocery store.
My son explains why he is talking to me and that he is so relieved now that she is home...
A normal mother/human being would probably respond with a hug and words of apology and assurances and love, yes ?
What she did was get super pissed at both of us as she had to walk to the store and drag back groceries. She was tired and sore. It was hot out. N needed to grow up and I needed to quit worrying her son.
She had turned the whole thing from what could have been a loving learning experience to a me,me,me, how dare you not recognize how much I do and sacrifice for everyone. Well, you get the picture...
I talked to N before they left a month ago and I was making a point with him about her behavior. I think I had just started investigating how the relationship between Narc and co dependent worked.
When I brought up this subject as an example and told him that his mother's reaction to this situation was not normal, he immediately defended her and put himself down as weak and that he should support his mother more...I was pretty floored by his response.
She is Gaslighting him and Guilting and shaming him. He either is brainwashed or close to it. She has had him by herself for 8 years, I would think the job is done, with only maintenance required.
Here is the thing: she uses him to get through to me asking for money and playing the victim. How do I explain to him that I can not talk or communicate with her anymore. I am pretty sure he still goes and tells her everything when we do talk. How do I tell him his mother, through words actions and reactions is making him sick?
Not sure how to handle this. I need no contact with her but need contact with him. The courts are not involved and will probably remain so,
Thanks,
Sorry for another F'ed up deal with questions attached.
by cjames View latest post
The help I need is with my son. He is 16 years old. He went with her back to the States. Her I can "no contact" easily enough but I want my son in my life somewhere.
Here is one of the problems: his mother has her hooks into him deep. As an example, about 2 years ago here in Costa Rica, he had been going to a private School and would get home about 3 in the afternoon. One day he calls me worried because she/mom/it was not there. The first time it happened and he was a little freaked out. So I talked to him and calmed him for maybe 5 minutes when she walks in. She had been to the Grocery store.
My son explains why he is talking to me and that he is so relieved now that she is home...
A normal mother/human being would probably respond with a hug and words of apology and assurances and love, yes ?
What she did was get super pissed at both of us as she had to walk to the store and drag back groceries. She was tired and sore. It was hot out. N needed to grow up and I needed to quit worrying her son.
She had turned the whole thing from what could have been a loving learning experience to a me,me,me, how dare you not recognize how much I do and sacrifice for everyone. Well, you get the picture...
I talked to N before they left a month ago and I was making a point with him about her behavior. I think I had just started investigating how the relationship between Narc and co dependent worked.
When I brought up this subject as an example and told him that his mother's reaction to this situation was not normal, he immediately defended her and put himself down as weak and that he should support his mother more...I was pretty floored by his response.
She is Gaslighting him and Guilting and shaming him. He either is brainwashed or close to it. She has had him by herself for 8 years, I would think the job is done, with only maintenance required.
Here is the thing: she uses him to get through to me asking for money and playing the victim. How do I explain to him that I can not talk or communicate with her anymore. I am pretty sure he still goes and tells her everything when we do talk. How do I tell him his mother, through words actions and reactions is making him sick?
Not sure how to handle this. I need no contact with her but need contact with him. The courts are not involved and will probably remain so,
Thanks,
Sorry for another F'ed up deal with questions attached.
