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I need to go no contact with wife to begin a healing process. I will try and condense as much as possible but I have to give some back ground.
I was in the Navy when I met D. 1991. Neither of us wanted children it was agreed. Eight years later we were trying to get pregnant with no results. She told me she had changed her mind about wanting a child a few years back and told me about this as if we had had discussion and why did I not remember. At this point, I am close to retirement. I went along as I normally did, plus I was wondering if I was going crazy not remembering we had changed our minds on this. D had talked to my sister somewhere during this time period. How this happened I am not sure as they hate each other but I was present when she did so. I think she ripped the phone out of my hand and just asked Sis if I was abused a kid. Turns out I was used as a punching bag by Dad on a few occasions between ages 1 to 3. Now I had a good idea why I was never keen on the idea of having children but as it turned out, having a son was an indescribably great thing.
My retirement was months away now and D says she wants to move to Costa Rica whether I wanted to go or not. The dumping process had begun somewhere around the time she became pregnant and there was a guy in the picture now that she was seeing. I was not about to lose my son at this point so I went with them to keep N close.
The guy she was with dumped her and 6 years later she throws me out of the house 3 days before Christmas. In a foreign country, splitting me from my son and no where to go. She had managed to get me to move my pension into her bank account. She said she tried to add me but never did.
The devastation of losing N, being homeless and jobless in a foreign country was a little much. She had threatened to call the police if I did not leave. I forgot to mention.
A few years earlier my Mom passed and D asserted herself in that situation to the point I am not on speaking terms with any of my remaining family.
I had no one to call but managed to survive, found a job.
By this time she had guilted me so much and painted herself as the victim of my abuse, I believed it. She was like a predator after I had gotten back on my feet and always came at me for more money.
It took 3 to 4 years before I was able to start questioning the story she had spun and told to friends and her family about me and my supposed abuse. It took a few more years but slowly I realized she was likely a monster of some sort.
Now, she and N (16 YO) left to go back to the States a month ago leaving me here with a lot of guilt and shame. I stood and watched by as she did all this. I mean how pathetic can you get?
I stopped taking her calls a few years back but correspond by email and she is still asking for money.
Sorry for the long story but really, it was only a small portion of "things" that happened along the way.
I am talking to some U.S. banks so I can open an account and when the time is right, get my pension back.
Because of my son, I can not go "no contact" as I need to do. I feel so guilty about having a small and limited relationship with him. If I call, he immediately hands the phone to her with the words, "my mom wants to speak to you".
I don't call anymore. When I log into email to write to him or see if he has contacted me, she is always there with multiple emails. All laden with guilt and asking for money. I don't look at them any more but I see them. It is like she is stalking me or is a predator.
I will stop now. I work nights and need to get ready.
The few counselors I have felt out here in Costa Rica give vague stares and answers when I mention the N word.
Any feedback would be good or if this post is too much or too long, no worries.
I was in the Navy when I met D. 1991. Neither of us wanted children it was agreed. Eight years later we were trying to get pregnant with no results. She told me she had changed her mind about wanting a child a few years back and told me about this as if we had had discussion and why did I not remember. At this point, I am close to retirement. I went along as I normally did, plus I was wondering if I was going crazy not remembering we had changed our minds on this. D had talked to my sister somewhere during this time period. How this happened I am not sure as they hate each other but I was present when she did so. I think she ripped the phone out of my hand and just asked Sis if I was abused a kid. Turns out I was used as a punching bag by Dad on a few occasions between ages 1 to 3. Now I had a good idea why I was never keen on the idea of having children but as it turned out, having a son was an indescribably great thing.
My retirement was months away now and D says she wants to move to Costa Rica whether I wanted to go or not. The dumping process had begun somewhere around the time she became pregnant and there was a guy in the picture now that she was seeing. I was not about to lose my son at this point so I went with them to keep N close.
The guy she was with dumped her and 6 years later she throws me out of the house 3 days before Christmas. In a foreign country, splitting me from my son and no where to go. She had managed to get me to move my pension into her bank account. She said she tried to add me but never did.
The devastation of losing N, being homeless and jobless in a foreign country was a little much. She had threatened to call the police if I did not leave. I forgot to mention.
A few years earlier my Mom passed and D asserted herself in that situation to the point I am not on speaking terms with any of my remaining family.
I had no one to call but managed to survive, found a job.
By this time she had guilted me so much and painted herself as the victim of my abuse, I believed it. She was like a predator after I had gotten back on my feet and always came at me for more money.
It took 3 to 4 years before I was able to start questioning the story she had spun and told to friends and her family about me and my supposed abuse. It took a few more years but slowly I realized she was likely a monster of some sort.
Now, she and N (16 YO) left to go back to the States a month ago leaving me here with a lot of guilt and shame. I stood and watched by as she did all this. I mean how pathetic can you get?
I stopped taking her calls a few years back but correspond by email and she is still asking for money.
Sorry for the long story but really, it was only a small portion of "things" that happened along the way.
I am talking to some U.S. banks so I can open an account and when the time is right, get my pension back.
Because of my son, I can not go "no contact" as I need to do. I feel so guilty about having a small and limited relationship with him. If I call, he immediately hands the phone to her with the words, "my mom wants to speak to you".
I don't call anymore. When I log into email to write to him or see if he has contacted me, she is always there with multiple emails. All laden with guilt and asking for money. I don't look at them any more but I see them. It is like she is stalking me or is a predator.
I will stop now. I work nights and need to get ready.
The few counselors I have felt out here in Costa Rica give vague stares and answers when I mention the N word.
Any feedback would be good or if this post is too much or too long, no worries.
