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Hello Richard,
I'm watching you live right now. Very spartan room you're filming in today, the mustache/beard/general scruff look is working well for you as well. Your computer may have narcolepsy, and your hair isn't big and curly enough to be crazy-town yet.
My question involves sorting out the programming set by a narcissist, and what are real and valuable codes to live by. I was raised by my mother. The prime directive that was repeatedly hammered into my brain was "Defend Your Family From All the Things". My brother, who is a year and a half younger than I am, had health problems. My job was to keep him alive, and if people insulted him about his skin condition, it was my job to "protect" him from these people. My job was also to protect my mother from pain and harm. This lead to some very unsavory conclusion in my child's brain, including chasing a kid down the road with a brick because he laughed at my brother. Eventually, it morphed into some weird dynamic in which my father became an enemy despite overwhelming evidence that my mother wasn't really a sane human being. This lead to my pre-teen brain to break a little. Fast forward a few years, I joined the navy, sent most of my checks home to my mother and brother, and continued with my role as protector. My brother moved away, and my mother lost her home. My husband and I took her in a year ago, even though I was aware that she was a very broken woman.
Now we are to the present. I recognize that my mother may be a narcissist. Since watching your videos for the past few months and reading your many book recommendations, I've noticed that my immediate response to manipulation is to headbutt everything. Not good considering I have two small children. So I decided to kick her out and go no contact with my mother or anyone around her. Once I did that, I received all manner of contact from her family and even some of my own friends all hitting on my soft spot. Heck, even my maiden name (Thayer) comes with the motto "Bear and Forebear".
This leaves me with the question: My programming screams "PROTECT THE FAMILY" and my logic/smart brain says "Yes, protect the children, to hell with monster-mom, who cares if she's homeless?". But if the basic programming is flawed, how can I trust myself to set an appropriate level between the two extremes and still be able to live with myself down the road?
Side Questions: Now that I know my programming is flawed, I want to tear down everything I believe and the morals shoved into my child brain by a sad monster, and build up my tower of self from scratch. How do I do this? Show me the bulldozer. I don't need anyone to build me back up for me, I just need to know how to do it, and I'll become a tower building machine until the job is complete. Just throw me a manual and the keys to the construction site and machinery and I'll figure it out myself.
Thank you for everything that you do, you've been a great help. I'll let you know how the tower looks/works once it's near completion. Hint: sound system and heated floors in the bathroom.
I'm watching you live right now. Very spartan room you're filming in today, the mustache/beard/general scruff look is working well for you as well. Your computer may have narcolepsy, and your hair isn't big and curly enough to be crazy-town yet.
My question involves sorting out the programming set by a narcissist, and what are real and valuable codes to live by. I was raised by my mother. The prime directive that was repeatedly hammered into my brain was "Defend Your Family From All the Things". My brother, who is a year and a half younger than I am, had health problems. My job was to keep him alive, and if people insulted him about his skin condition, it was my job to "protect" him from these people. My job was also to protect my mother from pain and harm. This lead to some very unsavory conclusion in my child's brain, including chasing a kid down the road with a brick because he laughed at my brother. Eventually, it morphed into some weird dynamic in which my father became an enemy despite overwhelming evidence that my mother wasn't really a sane human being. This lead to my pre-teen brain to break a little. Fast forward a few years, I joined the navy, sent most of my checks home to my mother and brother, and continued with my role as protector. My brother moved away, and my mother lost her home. My husband and I took her in a year ago, even though I was aware that she was a very broken woman.
Now we are to the present. I recognize that my mother may be a narcissist. Since watching your videos for the past few months and reading your many book recommendations, I've noticed that my immediate response to manipulation is to headbutt everything. Not good considering I have two small children. So I decided to kick her out and go no contact with my mother or anyone around her. Once I did that, I received all manner of contact from her family and even some of my own friends all hitting on my soft spot. Heck, even my maiden name (Thayer) comes with the motto "Bear and Forebear".
This leaves me with the question: My programming screams "PROTECT THE FAMILY" and my logic/smart brain says "Yes, protect the children, to hell with monster-mom, who cares if she's homeless?". But if the basic programming is flawed, how can I trust myself to set an appropriate level between the two extremes and still be able to live with myself down the road?
Side Questions: Now that I know my programming is flawed, I want to tear down everything I believe and the morals shoved into my child brain by a sad monster, and build up my tower of self from scratch. How do I do this? Show me the bulldozer. I don't need anyone to build me back up for me, I just need to know how to do it, and I'll become a tower building machine until the job is complete. Just throw me a manual and the keys to the construction site and machinery and I'll figure it out myself.
Thank you for everything that you do, you've been a great help. I'll let you know how the tower looks/works once it's near completion. Hint: sound system and heated floors in the bathroom.
