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    How the narc discourages you from the things you like

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    D3lt4

    Posts : 32
    Join date : 2018-07-24
    Location : Europe

    How the narc discourages you from the things you like

    Post by D3lt4 on Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:36 pm

    I've seen this behaviour repeated on every narc I've met... anyone knows what is the psychology trigger behind it?

    Examples from different narcs:

    - I started playing the piano. I really loved one song more than others. I practised playing this song quite often. One day the narc started playing it perfectly, much better than I did, like he was training in secret to compete with me (?), so somehow I would be discouraged to continue playing (?)

    - I started sewing my own dress. He became super obsessed about it too. He didn't sleep for a few days to achieve something impossible. He never sewed before and he made in a few days a beautiful dress for me. He claimed it was something for me, but it was clearly to show off in front of everybody about his abilities.

    - I told the narc I had an amazing experience, life changing, running. My health improved so much I felt alive. A few months after that conversation she sent me a picture of her in the finish line of a public marathon she won for a charity (?). She never did any workout or run, and suddenly she was able to win a public competition????

    - After long time not using social media, when I intended to come back, I changed my profile picture. He immediately changed his profile picture and claimed publicly that he was back again, when in fact he was never gone. Everybody was a bit confused about this, but no more explanations where provided. I was shocked to see his reaction when I simply changed my profile picture.

    Is this a type of harassment? This is only perceived by the victim, as the victim is the only one learning about something or making some changes and no one else knows, except for the narc. This seems to me like a very covert way to hurt someone.

    What's the psychological trigger behind this? Maybe if we can understand it, we can fight better against it. I'm sure more people have been through a similar situation with the narc, maybe they didn't even notice the evil intention.

    This sort of manipulation is always so difficult to explain to others. Maybe if we understand it better we can also make a better job explaining it to others...?

    Still not sure why they do it all the time and why they are so successful at it. It seems like I keep thinking about why they did something like that, something really stupid, but while thinking about how stupid that is, I suddenly feel discouraged about what I was doing. I still don't know what is the psychological technique behind this.

    Cheers.
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    D3lt4

    Posts : 32
    Join date : 2018-07-24
    Location : Europe

    Re: How the narc discourages you from the things you like

    Post by D3lt4 on Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:43 pm

    Moreover, it feels like a knife cutting your happiness into pieces. When you find something you like, this is a way of recovering yourself, of thriving, of finding hope, of leaving depression behind.

    When they do this it's like they're using a knife to cut your hope into small pieces and throwing to the toilet.

    It's strange because I never felt like I was in a competition of any sort, I was doing it for myself, but as I had a close attention on them by the time, they used this attention to show me that "I was a failure". Maybe this is the message they want to transmit.

    At the moment, I'd call it "black magic", because something so silly seems to be very powerful and universal for all human beings, but I can't find an explanation to it.
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    D3lt4

    Posts : 32
    Join date : 2018-07-24
    Location : Europe

    Re: How the narc discourages you from the things you like

    Post by D3lt4 on Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:33 pm

    I think they were all psychopaths, as all of them showed certain degree of "awareness". Still not quite sure about how to differentiate a narc Vs psychopath 100%. I'm not so concerned about the differences as they both share main traits and that's what it concerns me the most. I don't like to get lost with labels.
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    wepnode

    Posts : 25
    Join date : 2016-10-11

    Re: How the narc discourages you from the things you like

    Post by wepnode on Sun Oct 14, 2018 4:56 am

    I don't know the answer. My husband would try and incite me. He played "The Rites of Spring", (which cause riots when it was first performed) - him having zero appreciation of music of ANY sort - just to disturb me - but then one year, while i was out in the garden, he played it at 45RPM. I rest my case. He called Brazil nuts n-word toes. Another deliberate provocation. Telling my next "mate" this, he proceeded to call them Brazil-toes (I've had 3 mates]. Another deliberate provocation. I like provocativeness, i admit that, but not racism, nor do i appreciate Liza Minnelli, nor Barry Manilow, which either would deliberately play or turn UP on the radio, whenever it came on in the car - I realize is the opposite of what you are asking, but they feed off us like vampires, because they are empty inside. My latest partner and i, as far as i can't verify, had a similar upbringing and very similar experiences thru the formative teen years, but a very different response to it. i'm empathic, and he has only a severely cold empathy. I don't know. I like competition, but that's just cray-cray.

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