Anger Toward the Narc

I would like to hear thoughts on anger toward the narc, if anyone has insights to share. A little background about me: I was married to my narc for 8 years of what you would definitely call typical narcissistic behavior. He cheated on me and made it my fault, made me feel like I wasn't worthy of love by putting me down, had no job and spent the money I made, all the while telling me I was materialistic because I wanted to know why he wouldn't sustain a job to help support us. Also definite gaslighting, such as telling me I was crazy and needed medication while I tried to make sure his every need was met. Finally I really did start seeing a therapist and he was not at all happy about that, though he had said for years I needed one. I guess he knew that once I started getting better I'd see things clearly and the jig would be up. A couple of months into therapy I left and have not looked back. I don't miss him and luckily I have the privilege of no contact as we had no children together.

What I have trouble with is coping with anger. I have not heard from him in some time but daily find myself ruminating on situations where he tricked me (or, more accurately, I allowed him to do so), where I now realize he was lying but didn't at the time, or just where I accepted unacceptable behavior. One example I return to often is a time when I was napping. He held me down in bed, not letting me move (he's a great deal stronger than me), laughing and wouldn't get off though I thrashed and asked him again and again to let me up. It wasn't until I just stopped and laid down, defeated, that he got off of me. I rolled iver a d began to cry, and he actually asked me why I was crying, all of a sudden playing the caring husband after winning at a cruel game he had created.

My anger at situations like this one comes back almost daily, and it's often hard to get through my work day. I just feel angry at every little thing others do, which is usually nothing, and have to work to be reasonable. When I get home, I'm exhausted. I would like to stop reliving these episodes but don't know how.

Help?

I don't know, but when you get feelings like this arise, I believe you are supposed to just accept the feeling, know it for what it is, really feel it and be with it without trying to change it, and without letting your thoughts spiral away with it. Leyla Loric says in another thread here: "to distract ourselves from it will not help in the long run. Your mind is trying to hide from pain, but the irony of it is that it is only in the present (when we become aware and accept what we feel) that we can heal. Only by facing it can we disempower it."

Thank you, Zebrage! I hadn't thought of it that way.