I would like to hear thoughts on anger toward the narc, if anyone has insights to share. A little background about me: I was married to my narc for 8 years of what you would definitely call typical narcissistic behavior. He cheated on me and made it my fault, made me feel like I wasn't worthy of love by putting me down, had no job and spent the money I made, all the while telling me I was materialistic because I wanted to know why he wouldn't sustain a job to help support us. Also definite gaslighting, such as telling me I was crazy and needed medication while I tried to make sure his every need was met. Finally I really did start seeing a therapist and he was not at all happy about that, though he had said for years I needed one. I guess he knew that once I started getting better I'd see things clearly and the jig would be up. A couple of months into therapy I left and have not looked back. I don't miss him and luckily I have the privilege of no contact as we had no children together.
What I have trouble with is coping with anger. I have not heard from him in some time but daily find myself ruminating on situations where he tricked me (or, more accurately, I allowed him to do so), where I now realize he was lying but didn't at the time, or just where I accepted unacceptable behavior. One example I return to often is a time when I was napping. He held me down in bed, not letting me move (he's a great deal stronger than me), laughing and wouldn't get off though I thrashed and asked him again and again to let me up. It wasn't until I just stopped and laid down, defeated, that he got off of me. I rolled iver a d began to cry, and he actually asked me why I was crying, all of a sudden playing the caring husband after winning at a cruel game he had created.
My anger at situations like this one comes back almost daily, and it's often hard to get through my work day. I just feel angry at every little thing others do, which is usually nothing, and have to work to be reasonable. When I get home, I'm exhausted. I would like to stop reliving these episodes but don't know how.
Help?
What I have trouble with is coping with anger. I have not heard from him in some time but daily find myself ruminating on situations where he tricked me (or, more accurately, I allowed him to do so), where I now realize he was lying but didn't at the time, or just where I accepted unacceptable behavior. One example I return to often is a time when I was napping. He held me down in bed, not letting me move (he's a great deal stronger than me), laughing and wouldn't get off though I thrashed and asked him again and again to let me up. It wasn't until I just stopped and laid down, defeated, that he got off of me. I rolled iver a d began to cry, and he actually asked me why I was crying, all of a sudden playing the caring husband after winning at a cruel game he had created.
My anger at situations like this one comes back almost daily, and it's often hard to get through my work day. I just feel angry at every little thing others do, which is usually nothing, and have to work to be reasonable. When I get home, I'm exhausted. I would like to stop reliving these episodes but don't know how.
Help?