Confusing NPD and BPD

Just answered a couple of interesting questions via a youtube comment on this video .




Feel free to weigh in on this one!

"Can a narcissist be "generous"?in the way to gain the love of estime? " Yes, often they will do great charitable deeds very conspicuously.

"Other point would be also the lack of empathy, so it would mean that the codependents lack of empathy? What about that? If they do and they just are pleaser not because of their empathy but because of the constant fear of rejection that would make them really similar to the narcissists?"

Let me help: codependent people pleasers do not lack empathy but they ARE sticking around because of a kind of "false empathy" (they/we will report feeling sorry for the abuser and not willing to "abandon" them) but it is motivated by a constant fear of rejection, yes.

Narcissists are not predominantly motivated by fear of rejection, you are thinking of borderlines here I think. Its possible you may have read this online in your study, some authors conflate NPD with BPD... and so do some clinicians. Often, but not always, BPD and NPD show up together in the same person (comorbidity its called) but the author/clinician isnt skilled enough or trained properly to distinguish between the two.

This is why Borderlines have such a bad reputation. Not every BPD has the NPD traits. In my humble opinion BPD becomes NPD when the BPD is full of toxic shame and self rejection and learns to push the attention away from themselves (something they will at times find very distressing as they think they are being "analysed" or "judged" or "shown up") by being outwardly critical or hurtful to others. They learn to make other people feel as insecure as they do to protect themselves and feel a bit better.

These are just my observations, I cant back this up with any peer reviewed research at this point.


"Dont Get Fooled Again" Red Flags of Narcissist Relationships
CLICK "show more" to see the major red flags and what to do about them here... (please feel free to add your own in the coments) 1. do you frequently find th...
Richard Grannon The Spartan Life Coach
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We must never forget, that your typical narcissistic abuser will shut down any kind of questioning of their authority. Sometimes they will counteract such form of questioning with a rain of emotional terror off topic, to try to dis-regulate you emotionally.

If you have encountered this, even from the kindest face, who seems most clever, you realise you have met with the zombie witch doctor. Even though, you might deny it, assume that it is You who is the problem, that you are the "crazy" one. You might not be. Remember get a second opinion & that no body has all the answers

Remember kids, emotional health is not created by denying your feelings but exploring them.. & the use of a therapist is not there to disarm your defences but empower them. If you feel you are not being heard, you probably are not.

This is one if the best vids! Had got me thinking some more..

I absolutely agree that a narcissist can appear very generous - but it's absolutely for their own gain. To gain favour or to look good to others. When they are done, the generosity ceases - leaving you in the spot and bewildered.

This red flag video has got me thinking about close friendships that I have had over the years, and friendships that I have now. It's tough to realise that I do often attract narcs - I fall right into their traps! And whilst they aren't always malignant, it is tough to realise they have no real care nor regard for me and mine. It's a front. It's sickening really. I don't see much difference between narcs and histrionics to be honest!

When thinking about those with NP traits, I realize that we are consistently regarding them as the abuser.  
So there are two categories, the abuser and the abused, the predator and the prey.

When healing from childhood trauma, it is essential to go through that realization, to understand at a primal level that the child was wronged.  This is good, finally, we allow ourselves to feel righteous indignation; it liberates us from self blame, even for a little while at a time.
Yet it goes deeper than that, it always does.

When the power of the parent was so misused, we fear that we have internalized certain behavioural traits, particularly those associated with authority.  Without awareness (and even with it!), we fear reacting to triggers using old familiar patterns.
Even if we get a handle on some of that learned behaviour and recognize the triggers, we still find ourselves expecting others to embody similar modes of behaviour.
If a person isn’t a narcissist, then they must be a co-dependent people pleaser (or heaven forbid, a covert narcissist! :)
Trusting our instincts is a challenge, especially when we are accustomed to being abandoned.
The idea of personal sovereignty is still new and a little uncomfortable at times.  How is rebellion possible without serious consequences...?
But rebel, we must.

As Trent Reznor says,

‘Nothing can stop me now because I don’t care anymore.’

Ah, freedom.  
I know that this can seem like a double edged sword, and no doubt Reznor is fully aware of it too.  
When we don’t feel good, it can seem like the ultimate way out.  

However, if we claim personal sovereignty with both hands, it becomes a declaration of liberty.  
From this place of not caring, we suddenly find that we do care a great deal.  Numbness no longer rules.  We find focus and strength and passion.  Finally, we are processing life on our terms.  We move from being angry at everyone and everything to self acceptance.  
This does not instantly bring peace, in fact, it can be a catalyst for intense turmoil, yet our new found understanding helps us to move through the mire.  We reach the other side and it’s startling!

The earth feels more solid and true than ever before and we are grounded to it.

Once we inhabit this place, it’s possible to work with the four Fs (fight, flight, fawn, freeze) proactively.
We are empowered by empathy; it is no longer connected to fear of rejection.

Good video. I can't believe I missed this one.

The naivete strikes home all too well for me. And I've used that term in the past to describe my interactions with others long before I tripped upon NPD. It's a big thing I'm working on, but it's going to be a long road. 50+ years of living this way - I can't trust my own judgment right now. At least I know that.

With the narc still here, he's been crossing boundaries I've set Had a very scary incident with him violating boundaries and it sent me into massive emotional flashback. Working that out now, but the video at least reminds me of things I keep forgetting.

I'm dreading the "pay back" for reiterating my boundaries but beyond that, there's not much I can do. The dissociation kicks in and I forget everything I've learned. It's a long, hard road. One I'm taking quite willingly, but no one said it would be easy. I'd much rather face my inner demons than this outer one.